Boost Your Self-Esteem

What Is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem literally means to esteem, or respect, yourself. Having high self-esteem means that you have a positive image of yourself. Let's look at where such a positive self-image comes from.

In her classic book Celebrate Yourself, Dorothy Corkville Briggs makes a distinction between the real you and your self-image. She says that the real you is unique and unchanging. Most of your self-image-what you think is true about yourself-is learned. It is not necessarily accurate at all!

Where are your beliefs about yourself drawn from? Where did you learn them? If you think about it, you'll see that they came from:

• What others said about you
• What others told you
• What others did to you

Your self-image is the result of all the messages you heard about yourself as a child. These messages added up to a set of beliefs about who you are. It may have nothing to do with who you really are.

For example, you may believe things like:

• I'm not very smart.
• I'm naturally passive.
• Girls aren't any good at math.
• I'm too old to start over.
• All of the women in the Breski family become doctors.
• I'm painfully shy.
• The Hurleys never lie.

In addition to learning to believe certain things during our early years, there are certain situations that make most people feel inferior or lacking in self-esteem.

Some examples are:

• Being criticized
• Not being loved
• Being rejected
• Experiencing failure

What Low Self-Esteem Feels Like

In situations like these above, it is not uncommon to feel emotions such as:

• Sadness
• Inferiority
• Anger
• Jealousy
• Rejection

Cognitive Therapy

Cognitive therapy is one of the most successful methods for helping people feel better about themselves. Cognitive therapists help depressed and anxious people feel better by identifying how faulty ways of thinking are making them feel bad. They believe that faulty thoughts cause us to feel bad, which makes us feel bad about ourselves.

Cognitive therapists call these faulty ways of thinking "twisted thinking." Cognitive therapy is a process where the client analyzes his or her thoughts and beliefs, and learns to substitute more healthy ways of thinking and believing. These therapists help their clients feel better in four steps: First, identify the upsetting events that cause bad feelings; second, record your thoughts about the event; third, identify the distortions in your thinking process; and fourth, substitute rational responses. When the client successfully completes these four steps, the client usually feels better about him- or herself.

Thinking the right kinds of thoughts is one way to feel good about yourself. Now let's talk about a second way to increase your self-esteem: by taking a look at your life environment and seeing whether it supports you feeling good about yourself. You may find that some nourishing elements need to be replenished. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Do you have people in your life who:

1. Treat you with love and respect?

2. Encourage you to do and be anything you want?

3. Help you find out what you want to do, and how to do it?

4. Encourage you to explore all of your talents and interests?

5. Are thrilled when you succeed?

6. Listen to you when you need to complain?

7. Help you bounce back from failure without making you feel bad?

Take a moment to think about each of the items on this list. Note where your environment is providing adequately for you, and where it is lacking. This can give you clues to how to build your own self-esteem.

Strategies for Esteem Building

1. Pay attention to how you are feeling from moment to moment. Tune in to what your five senses are experiencing. Take it down to the most basic level of "I feel warm right now," "I feel light-headed," "I feel a tightness in my stomach."

2. Revisit your interests and goals. Make a list of things you'd like to do and learn. Today, take one step toward learning more.

3. Spend less time with critical people and more time with those who appreciate you.

4. Spend some time with yourself at the end of each day. Review what happened and how you were feeling. Write about it in a private journal.

5. If you are feeling bad about yourself, consider finding a therapist to help you get your life on a positive track.

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. Garrett also offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or at 201-303-4303.

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

The Tolerance Effect
While working with a client several months ago, we went through a process of identifying areas of personal strengths and weaknesses. Through this exercise, we discussed various characteristics and ended up deciding that there was opportunity for improvement in her level of "tolerance".
Kabbalah Coach: Love the One Youre With
IntroductionEvery one of us came to the planet to figure out how to experience love in the human form. It is amusing to observe all the ways we try to find love, especially since most of us don't even know what we are doing.
Ch-Ch-Chain of Hearts: Cranking Up Compassion
Can you hear your compassion? It's time to crank it up.One of the most difficult challenges we face in our quest to be compassionate is dealing with conflict.
Business Career, Executive, Life Coaching Article Mechanisms of the Mind (Achieving Success)
Suppose that the human mind is nothing more than a bio-computer and that the function of this computer is to get its owner exactly what he says he wants..
A World of Possibility
When I started my sales career over 25 years ago, I worked for a small company selling telephone answering equipment. Hard to believe it but in those days I had to explain to prospects what the equipment was for and why they might want to use it.
Lessons from Donald Trump and The Apprentice: A Career Coachs Perspective
What can we learn about careers from watching Donald Trump and The Apprentice?1. Recognize that job tests don't always correspond to job realities.
If I Only Had a Heart
I know you probably have heard of the movie, "The Wizard of Oz" right? Well, for those of you, who have somehow managed to miss this movie, let me give you a brief description of it.A young lady named Dorothy is upset with her home life and decides to run away.
How to Give Yourself a Check Up From the Neck Up
When was the last time you did some dedicated physical exercise?Many people have realised that our busy and stressful lives need some balance. They are flocking in droves to gymnasiums all over the country.
Dealing Effectively with Midlife Issues
In this article we would like to help you explore the challenges and opportunities that come at midlife. You will have an opportunity to take a look at issues that are specific to the Baby Boomer generation.
The $10,000,000.00 Question
When I asked my client, Amanda, what she would do if she won a $10,000,000.00 lottery prize, she quickly answered " I would move to Hawaii and sit on the beach all day.
5 Keys to Powerful Communication
As a coach that specializes in marriage, couples and family coaching, it is critical to develop strong and clear keys for communication. How many times have you been faced with a difficult feeling or occurrence that you are reluctant to discuss with your partner? You probably thought, "If I just don't say anything, I can get past it"?The problem is most of us can't get past it.
Make Your Life Easier?
'Have you read the Art of War?' someone asked me once. Fighting someone to get your way is definitely a valid strategy.
Enhancing Life for a Lifetime
Do you often feel lonely, anxious, or even depressed? Is a mid-life or quarter-life crisis threatening your confidence, self-esteem and well-being? Do you yearn for practical advice on enhancing, balancing and bringing new joy to your personal and professional life?Tens of millions of Americans answer a resounding "yes" to one or more of those questions. After all, statistics report that more than 19 million of us are diagnosed with depression each year.
Transform Your Image And Accelerate Your Success
Being a lifelong student, I am regularly attending seminars etc. to become the best I can be in all areas of my life.
How to Optimize the Awesome Power of Thoughts and Imagination
Have you encountered a time when you were in a traffic jam and was running late for an important meeting? Did you stay calmand focused? Or did your mind wander into the dark side ofthe impending consequences that may occur?If you're always picturing people getting mad at you and thinking of negative outcomes, then your body suffers as well. You may experience chest pains, anxiety disorders, indigestion, and other health problems.
Take a Chance, Win a Prize
I think that we're all probably familiar with the fairground rant 'take a chance, win a prize'. Whenever I hear this call to action, I immediately break out into a cold sweat.
How to be Your Authentic Self
Most of us play many different roles in the course of any given day. We could be Mom, Boss, Employee, Student or Friend, to name just a few.
You Have A Choice
I'm a relationship coach and, unlike most, I deal with those 'other' relationships. Of course, I make love happen without wings and an arrow, but I really make a difference with business relationships, family relationships, community relationships, old and stale relationships and all the rest that we take for granted, lost or forgotten.
The Art of Change
We don't change. I imagine such a statement could find a lot of opinionated opposition if it implied a lack of growth, whether that be on a knowledgeable level, a logical or spiritual one, but in this case we refer to ourselves and who we are in relation to who we were when we decided to grace this world with our presence.
How to Kill Fear When Dealing with Aggressive People
The book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers is regarded as a self help classic. Have you read it?I read it many years ago and I was disappointed by the content of this book that has helped a lot of people take control of their fears.