The Fastest Way to Ruin Yourself

I don't know many people who would admit to wanting to ruin themselves, but there are a lot of people who are doing everything they can to accomplish that very goal. They certainly don't see it that way, but if you look at the way they live, you can see it happening.

I knew a man who was very strict on his daughter. This strictness was more than simple discipline. He felt he had to control every part of her life. And, of course, he never liked any of her boyfriends. While his daughter was young he could get away with being an "all controlling" parent.

The sad part of this was that he thought he was being a good parent. It is certainly every parent's responsibility to protect and discipline their children. But it must always be for the purpose of helping them grow up to make good decisions on their own - not simply to dominate.

As will happen in every case, there came a time when the girl grew old enough to get out from under the dominance of her dad and make her own way. When she did, she ended up marrying the very kind of guy her dad despised. Not only that, but the resentment that had built up in her life caused her to move away from him and not even speak to him for years at the time.

Now, I don't know whether or not she consciously did all of this for spite, but the result was that her dad was devastated. In spite of his wrong actions and attitudes, he still loved his daughter very much, and the years of alienation were a torture that ruined his health and other areas of his life as he let it "get to him."

This father did a destructive thing, in his parenting. But parenting is not the only place that this happens. Many people do it in other areas of life and the result is the same - personal ruin. It happens when individuals try to live another person's life for them. Whether it is as a parent, an employer, a spouse, or any other relationship you operate in, you cannot live another person's life for them. This is probably the fastest ways to self-ruin that exists on the planet today.

The same problem is all too common in the workplace. When a boss or supervisor tries to micro manage a person to the point of controlling every little action, it creates rebellion. The person will try to sabotage the authority figure, or will quit. This puts the one who is trying to be in control in a position of always struggling to keep the other person in their place. After a point, fatigue sets in and things begin to spiral out of control.

Here is the problem. The nature of human beings is such that each person has the ability and the internal drive to exercise their own free will. People will go to almost any extreme to accomplish it. Families have been destroyed, companies have been bankrupted, and wars have been fought, all in the name of achieving freedom.

Why not take a different approach. Instead of trying to control people, simply define the parameters that need to exist for the organization to run smoothly, and allow people to make their own way within those limits. Instead of generating rebellion, this will make a person feel appreciated and respected. It will make them appreciate and respect you, in return.

If you want things to be different in your life, then don't look to see how you can go about changing others. Look for ways to change yourself. You simply can't go inside of another person's head and change them. Try and you will destroy yourself. But you can do things to change yourself. Then, instead of ruin, you will find the growth and fulfillment you are looking for.

About The Author

Dr. Freddy Davis is the owner of TSM Enterprises and conducts conferences, seminars and organizational training for executives, managers and sales professionals to help develop greater effectiveness and productivity. He is the author of the book Supercharged! as well as the Nutshell Series of books for strengthening business. You can visit the TSM website at www.tsmenterprises.com, or you can contact Freddy directly at 888-883-0656 or davis@iname.com.

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

Personal Core Values: Your Key to Success and Happiness
Each of us has our own set of personal values; these are the things which we believe are important, which motivate us and to which we give priority. If I asked you what your personal values are, the chances are that you would struggle to find the answer.
The Non-Conscious Mind at Work. Harness it for Your Success
Thoughts are real things. As soon as you realize how to control your thoughts you are on your way to making vast changes in your daily success.
Do You Ever Give Up Coaching Employees?
In principle, we don't want to give up coaching employees. We want to believe that we can eventually make a difference.
Top Ten Things to Build a Bridge and Get Over
God must love Top Ten lists because she made so many of them. They crowd my Inbox daily.
How to Optimize the Awesome Power of Thoughts and Imagination
Have you encountered a time when you were in a traffic jam and was running late for an important meeting? Did you stay calmand focused? Or did your mind wander into the dark side ofthe impending consequences that may occur?If you're always picturing people getting mad at you and thinking of negative outcomes, then your body suffers as well. You may experience chest pains, anxiety disorders, indigestion, and other health problems.
Coaching Prime Time
An awful lot of fantastic coaching has been coming out of Hollywood lately, have you noticed? Whether it's Morgan Spurlock's feature film debut "Supersize Me"..
How to Choose the Right Coach for You
So you want to hire a coach but with so many choices it's easy to feel overwhelmed. How do you find the coach that is right for you? It can seem like a daunting task so here are some guidelines to help you make the right decision for you.
Resolving Conflicts Effectively
Every relationship has conflicts. In some relationships, conflict is a serious problem; in others, differences seem to be resolved without creating a major incident.
Working With Choices
Despite our skills, experience or expertise we can still make a meal out of making a choice!Here are some common reasons why people struggle to make choices, and some tips for making them easier.1.
Say Adios to the Fear of Rejection!
Do you ever get an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach when you have to approach someone?In situations like this does your mind go blank?This is not unusual. That feeling is often the fear of rejection.
Who Are You Mixing It With?
I talk and write a lot about Life Design - creating and sculpting a life that is fulfilling for you. It is about shaping your personal landscape and environment.
How Does Sports Coaching Differ from Corporate Coaching?
Athletes Versus EmployeesMost athletes are young, open to improvement, eager to learn and anxious to receive what a coach can provide. For the athlete, there is a defined season and something tangible to compete for.
Overcoming Work Addiction
Why are you so busy? Do you really have too much work? Is work so important to you that you'll sacrifice just about anything in your life to get the job done? Even if it's at the expense of your health and your relationships?If you find these questions disturbing then see how you rate with these ones:Do you work more than 50 hours a week?Do you dream about work?Do you feel that in order to succeed you must work late most of the time?Are you a stranger in your own home?Do you constantly miss family and social events because you're always working?Do you schedule and undertake more than you can get done in a 40-hour work week?Do you get bored when you're not working?Is missing family and social events because of work unavoidable?When on holiday do you constantly check your phone messages and email?Your ScoreThe greater the number of yes answers, the closer you are to fitting the profile of a workaholic. If you've answered yes to more than half of the questions, it's time to take stock before you lose your health, family and everything you hold near and dear to your heart.
7 Destructive Habits of Incompetent People
WARNING! If you want to have a fantastic life, never engage yourself in these 7 deadly habits that incompetent people do. NUMBER 1 - They Think, Say, & Do Negative Things.
Business Career Executive Coaching Article -Motivator, Discipline and Desire
"There is a certain combination of desire and discipline in the way I work. Discipline by itself simply is not enough in the creative process.
New Definition of Retirement
A new definition of retirement is evolving. It's one that's focused on continual exploration, learning and growth.
Are You Too Critical?
First of all, criticalness breaks up more relationships, than anything else. And that criticalness is usually over the children or money!Criticalness can be seen in eyes that slant down.
Executive Coaching - Finding a Coach and Understanding the Process
Nobody in business can fail to have noticed the recent rise in the number of coaches and consultants offering their services. But how do you go about finding a coach who will give you a return on your investment? Executive coaching might be an option for you if you are running your own business or are in an employed management role, and have aspirations to achieve more.
Why Therapy Fails Sometimes
I saw a couple for marriage counseling this week, and when I asked them if they had ever seen anyone else for counseling they said they had worked with two other therapists. They had seen one therapist on and off a few years back.
Dont Be Jealous - Be Inspired
When we see people do things we cannot do, or have things we don't have, it might be tempting to be a little jealous. But, jealousy doesn't lead to anything except resentment, and that isn't going to help you.