Don't Take It Personally

Many of you already know that I've been divorced for 5 years now (Martinis for Everyone!), but I learned more than a few valuable lessons in those 5 years that I'm going to share with you.

When my ex-husband first left, I was almost literally drowning in thoughts of "What's wrong with me?" I lay awake nights thinking of how I could have been different, and what I could have changed about myself to make the outcome different.

Until one day, a bolt of lightning struck me. I was at home, day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute, caring for 3 children while my husband was at work socializing with other adults, male and female. Treating himself to dinner out with "clients" after work, most often to meals of sushi and dishes like teriyaki chicken, while the children and I feasted on Kraft Dinner. I thought at that time, that being completely wrapped up in who I was as a mother, probably made me a little neglectful of who I was as a woman. I mean, who has time for make-up when you're running to and from ballet classes and piano lessons, along with being literally showered with whatever the baby decided that he didn't want to eat for dinner? Make up? What the hell's that?

My bolt of lightning was this; I was (and am) the mother of 3 children. I did my job with regard to caring for those children, making sure that they had food on the table, and clean clothes to wear. If that job required that I look like a dish-rag part of the time, he would just have to deal with it. His way of "dealing with it" included 'play time' with people outside of the relationship that he had with myself and our children, and that was his decision. There's nothing that I could do about his decision. I could though, start making some decisions of my own.

I first decided that divorce was mandatory here. I went through the various stages. After which time, I realized that this divorce thing could be whatever I chose to make it. It could be my chance to grovel endlessly in self-pity, and beg him to come back. But I didn't want him back. Once he left, it felt as though a huge brick had been lifted from my chest. I could breathe again. My household was much more relaxed. Why on earth would I want him back?

I realized then, that this was actually my chance to make my life what I wanted it to be. I accepted that I couldn't control his actions. I could though, control exactly how I reacted to what he did. I realized that what he did wasn't about me. Yes, it very definitely affected me, and our children, but I had to learn how not to take it personally. What he did, he did for his own selfish reasons, and there's nothing that I could have done to change the outcome. There was absolutely nothing wrong with me.

And that's the lesson for today. Learn not to take the behavior of others, personally. You cannot control the actions of others. You can control how you react to the actions of others.

Martinis for Everyone!

Debbie Burgin

Debbie Burgin is a divorced mother of 3, and owner of two businesses, http://www.warnerdigitalmedia.com, and http://www.debbieburgin.com, who believes that life actually gets better after divorce. "You have to make the decision that a better life is what you want. This is your chance to start over." Read more about getting through the divorce process at http://www.debbieburgin.blogspot.com

More Resources

Limited Thought, Limited Experience
I was reminded once again the other day about how well we limit ourselves and take on the values of others and their limitations.I was in one of our morning sales meetings and just barely awake trying to concentrate on other things.
The Universal Laws Of Attraction
You know it's funny how some people just seem to have all the luck in the world. Infact in some cases it almost seems to be unfair.
Respect Is A Four-Letter Word
One of the most important needs for every human being is the need to be respected. It doesn't matter if you or anyone else is a corporate executive, host of your own television show, short-order cook, Wal-Mart greeter or stay-at-home parent.
Avoid a Life of Regrets With Your Yes List
How many times have you told yourself "yes!" today? Not enough I bet. Yes is the most powerful word in the English language.
I'll Believe It When I See It
I was working with this guy who wanted to live his life's purpose. He wanted to be a singer but was presently working as a mail clerk at a law firm.
You Think That You're Listening?. But Are You Actually Hearing What Im Saying?
"We have two ears and one mouth, so that we can listen twice as much as we speak" - Epictetus, Greek Stoic Philosopher. (55AD-135AD)In our fast-paced culture conversations have little to do with communication - they are about talking.
What Did You Want To Be When You Grew Up
When I was seven years old I wanted to be an author. Not a writer, but an author.
5 Practical Shyness Tips That Work Everytime
We all experience a little shyness at times with people who we find intimidating.Here are some useful suggestions and ideas that can help you overcome shyness and speak up when you need to in order to achieve your goals.
What Will It Cost You?
What will it cost you if you don't do it?Everyone has a secret dream that they nourish in their hearts.Yet many of these dreams never emerge beyond mere wishful thinking.
Ego or Higher Self: Whos Behind Your Decisions?
When you make a decision, you hope it is ultimately one that supports your highest interests and that leads you toward greater joy, so it is important to consider what part of you is offering you your options, so you can make your choice based on sound advice and come to a conclusion that takes you in the direction you want to go! There are two primary sources of input in any such decision-making process: your "Higher Self" and your ego.Your Higher Self operates from the place of all knowing, because it is perfectly interfaced with Source, the font of wisdom and repository of all knowledge.
Did Your Personality Choose Your Career?
We almost all think we are masters of our own fate. While it is true that we all make our own choices there are many things that influence what we choose.
Give The Wrong Words An Inch And They May Take A Mile!
What do you do when circumstances seem out of control? What's the first thing you look for? Or Whom? What immediately runs through your mind? Do you yell? Do you curse? Do you go bow up your back like a porcupine getting ready for all out war?By Word Of Mouth!There is something that every one of us has been taught to do since we were born and yet so few people know how to control it. We have been taught how to talk, but still don't know how to control our mouth.
Its All Up to You (Nobody is Coming to Save You!)
As painful as this realization may be, it is absolutely true. Wherever we are in our lives and whatever we are doing, it is because we have put ourselves there.
The Real Secret of Attraction
The secret of attraction is the unconscious hope for healing and understanding. This is why we are so discriminating in our choice of a marital partner.
Create Your Own Luck
I find it particularly disheartening when I hear someone refer to a person's success and achievements as simply luck. Or even worse.
Wise Hericlitus
"You cannot step into the same river twice"Hericlitus spoke those words around 500BC. A very wise man, Hericlitus.
So, The Thing Is... We Reap What We Sow
So, the thing is? we reap what we sow.A few weeks ago, my daughters and I planted some seeds.
Why and How You are Caught Up?
Speed Up the Evolution!1. Check the area where you are making greatest efforts.
Gratitude: 11 Universal Laws for ThanksLiving
The Law of ThanksgivingIt's easy to be grateful around the Thanksgiving holiday. But what if we were able to find ourselves feeling grateful year round? What that might change about your life?The Law of Who PastTo whom in the past are you grateful? Someone who gave you a break, someone who cared about you, inspired you, believed in you, or someone who simply listened to you? Have you ever sought them out to thank them, perhaps just a phone call to say thanks? As someone who has made those kind of calls, it really feels good to express your gratitude.
The Friend Crush: Is This Love Or Friendship
He's your good friend. She's your best confidant.

More Attraction Information:

Related Articles

Create Your Best Life
"You can create what you want in life; first you have to imagine it clearly. Imagine your ideal scene," Marc Allen, The Millionaire Course.
The Keys To Faster Evolution
Prosperity is management of positive energy. It's individual capacity to pour energy out in the world and re-circulate back in our life.
Your Life and Prosperity Are In Your Reputation!
"Your good name and your reputation are EVERYTHING! ? Protect them at all costs!" my father used to say to me when I was a lad.Even at a young age, I knew there was something important in what my dad was trying to tell me.
7 Ways To Make a Great First Impression
When you have an important event to attend there are 7 great ways to make sure you perform at your very best. These tips are relevant for social events and business meetings.
Brainology... Lets Start Learning Something Everyday, Every Moment
Every normal human being learn in his life's each and every minute. He is gaining experience every moment.
Searching for Higher Ground: 24 Hours to a Better Life
There's a moment in one of my favorite films, Searching for Bobby Fischer, where 7-year-old chess prodigy Josh Waitzkin's chess teacher knocks all the pieces off his chess board, in an effort to get him to concentrate deeper on the way the pieces on the board were strategically aligned.As the pieces go flying, scattering noisily about the room, Josh is at first stunned that his teacher would have done such a thing.
Plants, Herbs, And Roots For Love
In the column Plants, Herbs and Roots For Prosperity, I explain in detail how to practically use a plant material to attract things to you, so refer to that if you have never used plant matter in magic before.In brief, the main methods of using plant material to draw love are: carrying the substance on your person in a locket or a sachet, boiling the herb and sprinkling the residual water around your residence, putting a sprig of it under your bed or in your pillow and burning it as incense.
7 Steps To Having More Energy
1. Get enough sleep.
How To Get Lucky
Would you like to get lucky? There are at least a dozen ways. The simplest one is to just start looking for good luck.
Become a Babe Magnet Without Surgery or Drugs!
"I'd like to find a partner who dances. Do you?" my profile on Match.
Self-Concept and Self-Actualization: Nucleus of Shyness and Social Anxiety Disorder
In the dynamics of the self-concept and in the tendency to self-actualization are found the primary causes of Shyness and Social Anxiety Disorder / Social Phobia. It seems that these conditions result from the introduction, in the self-concept, of the elements which obstruct self-actualization.
God Doesnt Say No...YOU Do!
There are a couple of things you've probably heard said overand over. The first is, "Why doesn't God answer myprayers?".
Success Is In Your Hands - For Things To Change, I Must Change First!
Do you know that many people feel they cannot achieve what they want in life because they are not in control of their circumstances? Is it really so?How many times have you heard this: "If only I had creativity like him, I would be able to develop innovative Internet Marketing products," or "if only I had the money to start the e-commerce business, then I would be able to set up a business"? Do you know that all these things are within our control the moment we change ourselves?It sounds unbelievable but it's true! This requires a shift in your paradigm of thinking and it moves you from a powerless state to a state where you can actually take control. We will now take a look at 3 ordinary people like you and me who are able to achieve what they want in life through this simple principle.
Our Fascination with Pop Culture and What It Says About Us
I took a look at the top 500 hits on the Internet and found that at least 90% of them are related to pop culture. Who is dating who, singers, actors, gossip, etc.
Do You Have the Skills to be a Secret Service Agent?
Do you have the necessary attributes to be a successful secret services agent? Do you melt into the background where no one can see you? Do you hide behind someone else? Would you describe yourself as having an incognito life? Are you capable of always putting yourself second? Do you constantly defer to another person? Do people see right through you and ignore you?Then you have the skills.You see, as John Reilly, states in the song he wrote for the musical Chicago; you are no more than Mr.
Heal Thyself First
As I connect with more and more women I am seeing that many have a desperate need for a man. I had one woman tell me that her ex-boyfriend put a gun to her head and told her to get out of his life.
Right Thinking
Nothing ever happens by chance. Everything, good or bad, that comes into our lives is a result of the thoughts we have engaged in, or by what God has ordained to get our attention.
Im Thinking...But Im not Growing Rich!
So you've read "Think and Grow Rich", and you've got an intellectual understanding that you "become what you think about". You have a list of affirmations about wealth, and you recite them every day.
Whose Life Is It Anyway?
Whose life are you living? Are you living your dream or someone else's?How much of your life is being decided by someone else? Are you in a profession you dislike because it is expected of you? Do you engage in activities you would rather skip, simply because it is part of your "role" as a spouse or mother?What about you? Doesn't your opinion count? It is not only reasonable but mentally healthy for you to direct your own life.If you find yourself in a profession you do not especially like, try asking yourself the following question: If I were starting over in my career, what would I chose to do?Some people retire and, because they can do whatever they want, begin a second career.
The Law of Attraction in Action
Would you like to be able to experience more of what brings you joy in your life? Do you have unmet wants and desires that have left you feeling unfulfilled in some areas of your life? Were you taught that it is our desires that make us unhappy? Whoever taught us that desire is a bad thing was an unempowered person!Desire is a beautiful thing! It is desire that birthed this world, and it is desire that draws us together to create new life, both physically and metaphysically.Imagine for a moment that you have a genie in a bottle, or a secret potion or wand that, that gives you the power to zap into being more of what you wish for.