Worth Waiting For

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 22, 2002

I am a 31-year-old virgin male. At times I feel sexually frustrated because I've never been intimate with a woman. The only experience I ever had was a nice French kiss in high school.

I'm overweight and don't see myself as being worthy of a relationship as I am. But after years of neglect and ignoring myself, I am now making changes to my health which will improve my self-image.

I am not attracted to men. If I see a woman on the street I find attractive, I see someone who might be a good person, a good friend and a good soul. With all that, I have the normal fantasies a guy has when he sees a woman.

I live in a small town with no social life but come alive when I am in a bigger city. I also find women look at me and smile, and it's an ego boost. I am considering going to an escort just to experience what I should have experienced 15 years ago.

There's a woman I talk to by e-mail who knows I'm a virgin. She mentioned she didn't see anything wrong in that and said I need to gain something I might have lost, and that's confidence. She's hinted about us, but hints can be read wrong.

I don't know if I'm asking for answers or advice, but I believe in the phrase "good things come to those who wait."

Grady

Grady, we are all on different schedules. On the unknown calendar of your life, there is much to come. You will always remember your first sexual experience, so there is no reason to link it to money.

For a woman, not having a sexual past means you don't come with unhealthy or sordid sexual baggage. Men feel embarrassed if they don't have locker room stories to tell, but there is nothing in it for a woman to be a "good time girl."

Not to be stereotypical or old-fashioned, but women want love and strong emotional ties. They want a relationship with a future. Only then comes the desire for intimacy. Love is what will make you attractive to a woman.

You already know your goal. Get yourself physically fit and pursue what attracts you with passion. If you've been fishing in too small a pool, it may be time to move to the lake. Many of the happiest people are those who once felt life had passed them by.

Tamara

Another Chapter

I'm going through a difficult time. I'm in my early 40s, and my 21-year-old son just graduated from college with honors. He is a wonderful man and my only child.

It was difficult when my husband and I took him to college four years ago. The school is quite far away, and I missed him more than words could ever express. My husband was very supportive, and eventually I came out of my funk.

Now I am back in the same place. My husband is a loving, caring man but my son is far away. Eventually I will get over this, but for now I am overwhelmingly sad.

Grace

Grace, you sound like a woman with a lot of love to give, and we live in a world where so many people need nurturing. You did such a wonderful job with your son he no longer needs you as he did when he was a child.

One woman I know raised three children of her own, and in addition raised more than 20 foster children. Each Christmas a dozen or more of her foster children come from all over the country with their families to share the holiday with her.

Perhaps giving to others will ease your sense of loss, or perhaps you will be drawn to something else. But in this world we can never think that we have walked the last mile.

Wayne

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

Sometimes, It Just Takes ONE Conversation to Change Your Life!
I was thinking this morning about the importance of the profession that I am in. Besides doing various trainings, workshops and consulting, I also coach people.
Flying in the Slow Lane
Dogs distrust hot air balloons. I gathered this tidbit as my husband and I floated over the mountains in a wicker gondola, listening to the barking chorus that followed us even 3,000 feet into the air.
Executive Coaching and the American President
Perhaps no one better than a former U.S.
Feeling Self-Conscious? 6 Tips to Turn it Around Fast!
When you feel self-conscious it means you are putting too much attention on your self, too much focus on what you are doing and how you are doing it. And this is a formula for poor performance.
The Tolerance Effect
While working with a client several months ago, we went through a process of identifying areas of personal strengths and weaknesses. Through this exercise, we discussed various characteristics and ended up deciding that there was opportunity for improvement in her level of "tolerance".
Creating Supportive Environments
I'm writing this on my laptop in a Cosi café in Dupont Circle in Washington, D.C.
A Coaching Secret
I've told people for a long time that one of the "secrets" of coaching is forgiveness. Forgiveness takes your finger out of the dyke of the past so you can let the future flow.
The Difference Between Approval and Appreciation
Having worked with individuals, couples, families and business partners for 35 years, helping them learn to resolve conflict, I have often been faced with the difficulties that occur when people are confused about the difference between approval with appreciation. Have you ever wondered about the difference between approval and appreciation? Most of us have never actually thought about it, yet if we do think about it, we realize that we feel very differently when we receive approval as opposed to receiving appreciation.
Life - Is It Just An Illusion?
It's a well-known fact that electrons and atoms move at the speed of light, technically flickering in and out of existence. In other words, half of the time we are actually not here.
Coaching for Success
Coaching is perhaps the most effective method of increasing performance available to managers, team leaders, and colleagues. This article defines coaching and outlines a process for effective coaching.
Do You Really Need A Home Business Mentor?
Having a mentor can mean the difference between success and failure if you want to have a successful Internet home business.Many of you have dreamed of owning your own Internet business, and have probably been involved in countless opportunities, and succeeded at none.
Mentors and Coaches: How to Find a Great Mentor
A career coach or mentor is a person who can guide you with the benefit of their experience. He or she may be someone more senior from within your organisation or someone external to your organisation who has been successful in the field or skills you want to develop.
Our Worst Enemy
Who do you consider as your worst enemy? The criminals roamingthe dark streets?  Your boss who's killing you mentally andemotionally with stress and harsh words? The people in office who are engaging in graft and corruption, instead of helpingthose in need? We have many implications of who our enemies are; but we haveone common foe who is the main cause of our failures andmisfortunes, and we're not even aware of this opponent. You may not want to admit it, but our worst enemy is ourselves.
After July 8, Pay This Amount
You undoubtedly go through this, too. A few times a month you gather up the bills coming due and write checks or pay them online.
Going Beyond Life Coaching
In Corrogue the air is chill and the frost is on the ground.On these autumn mornings the spider's webs are glistening like each was arrayed with diamonds.
The Rewards and Risks Of Personal Freedom
We all need to decide whether to "play it safe" in life and worry about the downside, or instead take a chance, by being who we really are and living the life our heart desires. Which choice are you making?One of the first things I noticed about my newly purchased parrot, was that he couldn't fly.
Mid Life Crisis and the Great American Dream
One of the mainstays of American culture is the "Great American Dream". Immigrants would uproot their families and leave their homeland in the hopes of experiencing the freedom and opportunity that awaits them in America.
A Call To Do Better
I'm calling you out. Issuing a Challenge.
Mid Life Crisis, Life Transitions, & Ontological Coaching
Recently I have been watching a TV show called Blowout. It is a reality show about a hair designer, Jonathan Antin who struggles to get his Beverly Hills salon up and running.
Top 10 Ways to Coach Yourself to Total Success!
Coaching is about being your best. It's about performance, about "staying the course" and, in the end, about creating and living the life you really want.