Be The Chooser

"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experiencethem."-- Khalil Gibran

Our life works and can be full of joy when we make effectivechoices. Our life can be full of sorrow if we make ineffective choices.

Chooser vs. Victim

As a child, choices were made for me and I had little powerover what happened to me. This is normal for children, but when we take this attitude as adults I call it being a "victim"

The opposite of being a victim is to be "The Chooser"

The concept of choice is remarkable, and that we havechoices I consider to be a fact. Though in my life, I'veforgotten this fact many times when I was impulsive orreactive.

I find it challenging to take responsibility for my failures and pain as being the result of my own choices. I want to blame myboss, my ex-wife, the other driver, my parents; and for awhile I did.

I've had many wake-up calls that acting out of ignorance orimpulse doesn't absolve me of responsibility for making abad choice.

When I was sixteen, a new driver, and got a ticket for making a U-turn across a double-yellow line I told the cop honestly that I didn't know it was against the law, and felt it grossly unfair that he ticketed me anyway.

I fought the ticket in traffic court and lost. My onlydefense was "I didn't know! I didn't mean to break the law!"The judge told me ignorance was not an excuse for breakingthe law. That was one of my first wake-up calls that as anadult, I would be held accountable for my choices even ifthey were unconscious. Scary thought.

We live in a victim culture. It's usually the other guy'sfault that we go to war, get into a car accident, lose ourmoney in stocks, get a divorce. While victim-hood might makeus feel better and in the right, it also makes us helplessand perpetuates our problems.

The Law of Attraction

What do you want? A fulfilling life and relationship? Aloving family? Success in your work? Peace in the world?I've learned that to get what you want you must BE THECHOOSER.

Being the chooser means taking the initiative to create whatyou want, taking full responsibility for your outcomes, andmaking your choices mindful of their long-term consequences.

There is a law of the universe as powerful as the law ofgravity that helps choosers and brings suffering on victims.It's called the "Law of Attraction." Just like "what goes upmust come down;" "what is inside shows up on the outside,""energy follows attention," and "what you believe you canachieve."

If you believe you don't have a choice, you won't.

If you shove responsibility for your choices and outcomesoutside of yourself, the law of attraction will try to teachyou to take responsibility by repeating the lesson over andover until you get it.

This is the origin of crime, war, and most other sources ofhuman suffering.

I want to be happy and fulfilled. I want you to be happy andfulfilled. I've learned that happiness comes from within, bytaking responsibility as an adult for my choices andoutcomes. I've learned that I need to be "The Chooser" in mylife and my heartfelt desire is that I can inspire you to be The Chooser as well.

Be The Chooser

We have the knowledge and technology to create a wonderful life for ourselves and society for our children. Most of our social problems, such as crime, war, poverty, violence, disease, divorce, homelessness, and more, is the result of ineffective choices. Unfortunately, these social problems will continue as long as people believe they don't have a choice about them.

Choosers know what they want and how to get it.In charge of their lives, Choosers take responsibility forwhat happens. Being a Chooser takes a certain amount ofconfidence and effort, but anyone can be one! Being TheChooser means taking initiative for your outcomes: you arein charge of creating what you want in life. You do notrestrict yourself to what or who chooses you.

Very often, we are not aware of the range of choices available to us. We are often unaware of our power to choose, and of the true power of our choices. We might make choices unconsciously, reactively or impulsively. We might be unaware of the long-termconsequences of our choices.

A.I.M. To Be The Chooser

Step 1: Be AWARE that you have choices

You are never stuck! You always have choices, even if youdon't know what your choices are. Don't allow impulse orlack of information to result in a poor choice.

Step 2: IDENTIFY your choices

Always assume there are more choices than you are aware of.Seek to identify a variety of the choices available to you,mindful that "you don't know what you don't know." Identifyproductive choices and don't settle for unproductivechoices.

Step 3: MAKE productive choices

Use all the information available to you to make the bestchoice possible to achieve the outcome you desire. Evaluatea choice based upon the likely long-term consequences ofthat choice.

If you want to be the Chooser, here are some things you havecontrol over and can DO:

- BE CREATIVE: Seek new ideas and opportunities beyond theimmediate past and present

- BE A RISK TAKER: Accept rejection and failure as part oflife, and don't take it personally

- BE ASSERTIVE: Ask for what you want, and say "no" to whatyou don't want

- BE PROACTIVE: Don't merely react to events, or habituallywait for things to happen

- BE GOAL-ORIENTED: Clearly define and vigorously pursue your goals

- ASSUME ABUNDANCE: Believe there will always be plenty ofopportunities and resources

- BE POSITIVE: Always anticipate success

"Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make,both consciously and unconsciously.

If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life.

You can find the freedom that comes from being incharge of yourself."-- Senator Robert F. Bennett (R-Utah)

©2005 by Relationship Coaching Network / All rights reservedhttp://www.relationshipcoachingnetwork.org

David Steele, MA, LMFT is Founder and CEO of Relationship Coaching Institute, and author of the upcoming book "Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World" to be published October 2005, from which this article is excerpted.

For more information visit http://www.ConsciousDating.com

More Resources

Compounding Effect of Selfishness
Five-year-old Katie asked for a coin for her to throw into a fountain at a local shopping centre. She was given one, and duly walked over to the fountain, stopped for a few seconds, and threw it into the water, and came back to us, smiling.
What Did I Do? Will Someone Tell me?
There are many systems, psychology analyzes and personality typing in order to help people understand one another.One of the areas that causes a lot of grief in business and especially in relationships, is that no matter what category you fall into you are either a:SayShowFeelDiscovering what the other person is in this area, can take you a long way in building relations, credibility, confidence and the ability to make the other person happy.
What Do You Want This Year?
Christmas is all around us, and many people are making up wish lists. Those who aren't doing that are busy setting down their New Year's Resolutions already.
The Centre of Creative Powers!
Evolution is nothing but seeking with clarity, demanding clarity at every moment. Every moment clarify to yourself the greater purpose of everything you do.
Buying the Myth
So much life conditioning inhibits the brilliance that is in you. Are you accessing all that is available to you? As a brilliant coach, as a brilliant human-being, as a brilliant spiritual being, as a bright light in the world, you have access to so much abundance.
Are You The Worlds Expert On Yourself?
Congratulations! You are the world's expert.That's right: you are the world's expert.
The Likeability Factor - Do You Have It?
Growing up, we all had a mental picture of the perfect life partner The person we thought would be our happily-ever-after -- a person with a perfect smile, beautiful eyes, and an adorable button nose. Fast forward to reality and who did you wind up with?Chances are that if your partner of choice happens to be male, you ended up with a guy who is shorter than you expected, has less hair than you anticipated, but overall is a pretty neat fellow.
On Uniqueness
Is being special or unique a property of an object (let us say, a human being), independent of the existence or the actions of observers - or is this a product of a common judgement of a group of people?In the first case - every human being is "special", "one of a kind, sui generis, unique". This property of being unique is context-independent, a Ding am Sich.
How to Manage Self Consciousness
Self consciousness is an essential part of being human, but it can make social situations really tricky sometimes. Here's what you can do about it if it happens to you.
Plants, Herbs, And Roots For Love
In the column Plants, Herbs and Roots For Prosperity, I explain in detail how to practically use a plant material to attract things to you, so refer to that if you have never used plant matter in magic before.In brief, the main methods of using plant material to draw love are: carrying the substance on your person in a locket or a sachet, boiling the herb and sprinkling the residual water around your residence, putting a sprig of it under your bed or in your pillow and burning it as incense.
Whats the Opposite of Doubt?
The Law of Attraction teaches us that whatever you focus on, you will attract MORE of into your life--whether it's wanted or unwanted. To deliberately attract more of what you enjoy, you need do only three things:Be very clear about what you want--write it down, find the precise words that describe your desire.
Respect Is A Four-Letter Word
One of the most important needs for every human being is the need to be respected. It doesn't matter if you or anyone else is a corporate executive, host of your own television show, short-order cook, Wal-Mart greeter or stay-at-home parent.
The Keys To Faster Evolution
Prosperity is management of positive energy. It's individual capacity to pour energy out in the world and re-circulate back in our life.
Top 10 Ways to Use Attraction To Build Your Business
Most business people would rather have customers seek us out based on a strong personal referral from a satisfied customer, than go to the expense of mass advertising. It's called marketing through attraction.
Birthing Your Dream
Are you ready to birth a dream and not sure about the process, wondering if you are stepping out too far this time? Will God bless your dream, or is it His dream you're nurturing? Consider a pregnant woman. We've all had opportunity to observe the process, if not actually experience it.
Some Straight Talk About Your Success And Happiness
I want to warn you: this article can cause some discomfort, indignation and sense of insult in minds of people who are not ready to be successful. If you are not ready to face the truth, please don't read this article, because I don't want to hurt your feelings for nothing.
Electrical Deficiencies
Our feelings are perceived by means of our sensors, our sensors are designed to detect conductors of energy that have the power to stir our feelings.It is this power we long for in particular individuals that manage to stir these responses in us, whether they manage to match their negatives with our positives or vice versa, generating a current we are unconsciously plugged into and are likely to become hooked on like junkies, particular currents determined by our electrical weaknesses and deficiencies, and the energy levels and forms we actually need to complement and supplement this malnutrition.
Putting Yourself on the Road to Success
What separates successful people from unsuccessful people, achievers from non-achievers, winners from losers? Are people born that way or do they develop habits as they grow older which determine their stations in life?It would be fair to say that the answers to these questions are very complex ones. It is a combination of factors which include such things as your country of birth, when you were born, your IQ, your physique, your capacity to remember, your environment, your parents, your friends, your associates, the formal education you receive and the books you read.
Getting What You Want Most From Other People
Very often in relationships we do not seem to be able to get the one thing we want more thananything else - the approval of other people. In fact the more we want it the more difficultit can be to turn the situation around.
On St. Valentines Day, Or Any Romantic Interlude, Woo Your Sweetheart With Chocolates, Roses...
On Valentine's Day, or any romantic interlude, lovers should woo their sweethearts with chocolates and roses -- but also a Leadership Talk.My experience in teaching the Leadership Talk to thousands of leaders worldwide for the past 21 years confirms that the Talk is a boon for leaders of all ranks and functions in their jobs and careers.

More Attraction Information:

Related Articles

Who are You Listening To?
Have you ever noticed that there is no shortage of people willing to give you advice, whether or not you asked for it? I've developed some simple rules about from whom I will accept advice and suggestions. I do not ask for heath advice from people who are sick, I do not ask for financial advice from people who are broke and I do not ask for business advice from people who are not in their own business.
Who Wants to Work?
I feel a loss when pragmatism wins over the mystical. There is a greater magic at work when you engage with Source.
How To Actualize Your Potential
Are you tired of struggling and trying to realize your dreams, yet constantly missing the mark? You know your potential but just keep on missing it.How do you know when you have actualized your potential? When you are in your full potential, there is an experience of joy.
Talk Your Way to Financial Freedom
Feeling trapped by lack of funds? We can learn from those who live comfortably and retire early. They use language differently from those who are stuck in a scarcity process.
Living Life to the Full: 20 Steps
1. Emotion: We are emotional creatures and as in all things avoid excess.
Buying the Myth
So much life conditioning inhibits the brilliance that is in you. Are you accessing all that is available to you? As a brilliant coach, as a brilliant human-being, as a brilliant spiritual being, as a bright light in the world, you have access to so much abundance.
The Centre of Creative Powers!
Evolution is nothing but seeking with clarity, demanding clarity at every moment. Every moment clarify to yourself the greater purpose of everything you do.
What Characters Teach Us about Character
Character is that which defines us; it's what people will remember about us long after we're gone. The TV News, Radio Talk Shows, News-Magazines and the daily Paper are replete with stories about characters.
Do You Have an Exit Plan?
Recently, I came across something strikingly shocking, fascinating, obscure, and yet, completely obvious.Few of us have an "Exit Plan.
On St. Valentines Day, Or Any Romantic Interlude, Woo Your Sweetheart With Chocolates, Roses...
On Valentine's Day, or any romantic interlude, lovers should woo their sweethearts with chocolates and roses -- but also a Leadership Talk.My experience in teaching the Leadership Talk to thousands of leaders worldwide for the past 21 years confirms that the Talk is a boon for leaders of all ranks and functions in their jobs and careers.
Listening Is As Important As Speaking
While engaging in conversations with friends and co-workers, how often do you feel that the other person has truly heard what you've said?If you want to succeed in social settings, relationships, and business, one way to ensure your success is to be a great listener.There are a few simple rules you can follow to help you become a better listener, therefore enhancing your conversation skills.
Achieving Your Highest Potential: The Journey Begins With Self Awareness
We live in a world filled with beliefs, values, and negative paradigms. We all grew up with defined set of family and cultural values; where we were raised to believe that what our parents and relatives said about us and our capabilities was "truth".
5 Simple Ways To Overcome Shyness
Shyness is nothing to be ashamed of and you can overcome it when you learn the right way to go about it. The problem is that you have not been exposed to accurate, proven ways to deal with shyness.
Feng Shui with Style! Working with Your Element Type
When you begin to study feng shui, you quickly realize the importance of the qualities and characteristics of the five feng shui elements: wood, fire, earth, metal, and water. This knowledge is essential to selecting appropriate colors, furnishings, and accessories for your home.
Great Communication Skills
Having good communication skills in the workplace is important. This article will provide tips to take into account a rapidly changing workplace.
With This Herb, There Comes A Wed
The late Cuban singer and queen of salsa, Celia Cruz, said it clear in her classic salsa "El Yerbero Moderno" (the modern herbist). The rhythmical song names some herbs and their better use: "?I bring Basil, for the skinny one; I bring Vetivert, for the blind one?" and so on.
7 Ways To Make You Feel Good Instantly!
How are you feeling now?The answer to this question determines how much moneyyou will make, how big your house will be, how beautifulyour car will be, how well you will manage your relations,it determines every aspect of your life.WHY?I am glad you are asking why, because knowing why is goingto be your first step to higher level of awareness.
The Competition Fallacy
So many people falsely think that if they help another, they are helping the competition. This scarcity perspective breeds greed and insecurity; ultimately, people who hold it will realize that had they not been helped at certain times, they would not have had the opportunity to be where they are today.
Step-By-Step Guide to Manifest Your Desires
I have been talking about manifestation for a long time. My intention is to make people be aware of the unlimited power they have been given since the moment they were born and hopefully I can help to awaken their inner potential to get them connected back to the source of creation.
How To Step Into The Flow Of Abundance
Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.