The Long Way

I wrote you about four years ago, when my eight year marriage was ending in divorce. At that time you gave me some great advice about beginning again. After reading the recent letter from Linda and how she "settled" for the wrong man, I felt I had to write an update letter.

I can look back now and realize in too many ways, I "settled" in my first marriage. I reaped the results eight years later with a broken heart. After that marriage ended, I chose to live my life to the fullest, to take every opportunity to enjoy life and my friendships, and within reason, to never settle in anything.

I wanted children, a family with which to grow old together, and the white picket fence. But I couldn't focus on what I didn't have. I could only focus on what I did have, which was a lot of time and some great friends. Sure there were women who came and went during that time (mostly went), but I never settled.

Amazingly, I did meet a fantastic woman who is in every way my other half, as I am for her. We've been married now a little over a year and are happier now than when we were courting. We can't imagine life without the other now.

My point is not that I met my other half, but instead I want to mention the positive outlook on life and love we both originally had. Being the right person for the other would not have helped either of us if my wife and I had a "wrong" attitude when we met. We would have simply walked right past the other.

Having the right attitude towards life, we ended up being like a huge magnet attracting steel. Anyway, thanks for the great advice and continue the great work! I never miss a week.

Scott

Scott, sometimes we get things right only after we have made a mistake. Sometimes we get things right when someone shows us the way. And sometimes we need a wake-up call to get things right.

In the book "Life Lessons" David Kessler wrote about Caroline, a woman with "the most genuine smile you will ever see." Not only was she happy, but to him she seemed to be one of those people who live a charmed life. When he told Caroline he thought she was lucky in love, she told him her story.

When she was in her early 40s, Caroline found a lump in her breast the doctors called suspicious. She waited three agonizing days to learn if cancer was spreading throughout her body. It wasn't. The lump was benign.

But Caroline resolved not to let those three days mean nothing. She had been single and desperately lonely. When she went to a party or event, she would quickly scan the room for Mr. Right. If he wasn't there, she'd go somewhere else searching for him, and always she went home more desperate than before.

Caroline decided to change her approach to life. Even if Mr. Right wasn't around her, other people were. She would talk with them and enjoy them, no matter what. At the end of each day she no longer felt lonely for she truly talked and smiled and laughed with others. The more she did this the more wonderful people she met and the closer she grew to her friends. She stopped being a desperately searching person.

She didn't meet Mr. Right the first year. Or the second. She met him four years later, and two years after that, they married. Being "lucky in love" has a lot to do with being ourselves and being fully engaged in life.

David Kessler wrote, "In our hearts we know we are destined to live fully, to love fully, and to have great adventures in life." Our task is figuring out how to do it.

Wayne & Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 4, 2004

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

Its Story Time! - Find the Power Within, or The Truth About Dogs
I heard a story recently, and wanted to share it with you. It goes something like this:Once upon a time.
Transform Your Image And Accelerate Your Success
Being a lifelong student, I am regularly attending seminars etc. to become the best I can be in all areas of my life.
Good Communication is Easy - Isn't It?
My name is Steve Brummet and my business is to speak to businesses, teams, schools, churches, non profit organizations and just people about improving their communication skills. Most communication experts agree that good communication starts with understanding.
What You See is What You Get
H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Change vs Transition
"There is a time for departure, even when there's no certain place to go." -- Tennessee WilliamsThe words change and transition are often used interchangeably.
God, Grant Me Patience.....And, I Want It Now!!
Are you facing a difficult time in your life? Do you feel like a fish out of water? If today was a fish, would you want to throw it back in the river? If this is your situation, make no negative destructive decisions. Be Patient.
Tips For Singles On Celebrating The New Year
It's four weeks away and you don't have any plans. Many of your friends will be away or out with their significant others.
Worth Waiting For
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 22, 2002I am a 31-year-old virgin male. At times I feel sexually frustrated because I've never been intimate with a woman.
What Do You Have To Give?
"Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It's a mental attitude.
So Why Are They Really Here?
It does make you wonder sometimes, doesn't it? You know the folks I'm talking about. The ones who seem to be wandering around in the middle of a fog bank.
Fear of Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is one of the most wonderful experiences we ever have. Nothing else really comes close to the experience of sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings with another, of being deeply seen and known, of sharing love, passion, laughter, joy, and/or creativity.
The Incredible Rightness of Being
An Age-Old QuestionSearching for more meaning in our lives has been an age-old preoccupation for us humans. Why am I here? What am I meant to do? What's the point of it all? And, most importantly in the modern-day world, what is it that will make me happy?Dissatisfaction, or "Gimme More!"It is human nature that when we feel dissatisfied with something - be it our jobs, our homes, our relationships, or even our lives in general - we feel there is something missing.
Value Based Leadership Coaching
What can I do to be a better coach? The Eight Step Coaching Model describes the process, yet too often the focus is on techniques only. "How can I say it to win my point, get others to do things my way, or convince them?" Focusing only on one technique is fundamentally manipulative.
How to Get a Grip on Your Money
Most people have no idea where their money goes. They earn it and they spend it.
How To Increase Your Coaching Record By At Least 25%
"How can I become a better and more effective coach?" We hear this question frequently and there's obviously more than one answer. Today, let's explore one aspect of better coaching.
Build Your People Skills
How would you like to get along even better with others in your personal relationships and in the workplace? Getting along well with people sounds kind of general and is difficult to do much about, so let's break it down into some manageable and specific skills. By building the following skills, you will get along well with others:1.
Coaching Skills Does Matter At Chick-fil-A
In this discussion, we talk about Coaching Skills with Phil Orazi, Dean of Chick-fil-A University and Scott Mayson, Business Consultant with Chick-fil-A in Atlanta, Georgia.Q - What is the role of an Operator at Chick-fil-A, and what are some of the challenges that an Operator faces?Phil - Operators are selected and are independent contractors for Chick-fil-A.
How to Solve Disputes with the Helicopter Talk Technique
Do you ever find that when a friend asks for your opinion on a problem it is a lot easier for you to see a solution than it is for your friend?And do you also find that sometimes you feel completely stuck when it comes to your own problems?The same applies to disputes, relationship issues and disagreements.When you are part of the problem it can be very difficult to see a solution.
Tripping On Mindfulness
One of the ironies of mindfulness is that it's still possible to be forgetful, klutzy, or even distracted while doing our best to pay attention.Why? We are choosing where to focus and so there are, by necessity, bits of information that aren't getting the full laser treatment.
Unhook From The Perpetual Progress Grid
I have been a member of a group called the Women in BusinessConnection (WIBC for short) in Cambridge, MA for about fouryears. We get together for lunch meetings once a month.