Addiction to Worry

Carole started counseling with me because she was depressed. She had been ill with chronic fatigue syndrome for a long time and believed her depression was due to this. In the course of our work together, she became aware that her depression was actually coming from her negative thinking - Carole was a constant worrier. Many words out of her mouth centered around her concerns that something bad might happen. "What if I never get well?" "What if my husband gets sick?" "What if I run out of money?" (Carole and her husband ran a very successful business and there was no indication that it would not go on being successful). "What if my son gets into drugs?" "What if my kids don't get into good colleges?" "What if someone breaks into the house?"

Her worry was not only causing her depression, but was also contributing to her illness, if not actually causing it. Her worry caused so much stress in her body that her immune system could not do its job of keeping her well. Yet even the awareness that her worry was causing her depression and possibly even her illness did not stop Carole from worrying. She was addicted to it. She was unconsciously addicted to the sense of control that worry gave her.

I understood this well because I come from a long line of worriers. My grandmother's whole life was about worrying. She lived with us as I was growing up and I don't remember ever seeing her without a look of worry on her face. Same with my mother - constant worry. Of course, I picked up on it and also became a worrier. However, unlike my mother and grandmother, who worried daily until the day they died, I decided I didn't want to live that way. The turning point came for me the day my husband and I were going to the beach and I started to worry that the house would burn down and my children would die. I became so upset from the worry that we had to turn around and come home. I knew then that I had to do something about it.

As I started to examine the cause of worry, I realized that worriers believe that worry will stop bad things from happening. My mother worried her whole life and none of the bad things she worried about ever happened. She concluded that nothing bad happened because she worried! She really believed that she could control things with her worry. My father, however, never worried about anything, and nothing bad ever happened to him either. My mother believed that nothing bad happened to my father because of her worry! She really believed until the day she died (from heart problems that may have been due to her constant worry) that if she stopped worrying, everything would fall apart. My father is still alive at 92, even without her worrying about him!

It is not easy to stop worrying when you have been practicing worrying for most of your life. In order for me to stop worrying, I needed to recognize that the belief that worry has control over outcomes is a complete illusion. I needed to see that, not only is worry a waste of time, but that it can have grave negative consequences on health and well-being. Once I understood this, I was able to notice the stomach clenching that occurred whenever I worried and stop the thought that was causing the stress.

Carole is in the process of learning this. She sees that her worry makes her feel very anxious and depressed. She sees that when she doesn't worry, she is not nearly as fatigued as when she allows her addiction to worry to take over. She sees that when she stays in the moment rather than projecting into the future, she feels much better. The key for Carole in stopping worrying is in accepting that worry does not give her control.

Giving up the illusion of control that worry gives us not easy for anyone who worries. Yet there is an interesting paradox regarding worry. I have found that when I am in the present moment, I have a much better chance of making choices that support my highest good than when I'm stuck thinking about the future. Rather than giving us control, worry prevents us from being present enough to make loving choices for ourselves and others. Worrying actually ends up giving us less control rather than more!

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

margaret@innerbonding.com

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

Parts that Make the Whole? or Not
There are many parts that make up you.There's the Musical You, the Friendly You, the Amazing You, the Genius You, the Calm You, the Peaceful You, and many more parts that make up who you are - much like an identity check list:All round good guy/gal part - checkUniquely amazing you part - checkWitty and intelligent part - checkLovable and charming part - checkMoody and indecisive part - who me??? Never?Selfish and greedy part - not me! Never?Self opinionated - Nope, not me! Never?We all have wonderful attributes; we also have parts not so wonderful which we'd rather keep hidden but really, it's okay to acknowledge we have both.
Is Coaching Everything That It Is Cracked Up To Be?
Personal or business coaching has helped thousands change their lives and achieve their goals. Yet, for the sceptics it still is a fuzzy concept with little recognition for its benefits.
Do You Really Need A Home Business Mentor?
Having a mentor can mean the difference between success and failure if you want to have a successful Internet home business.Many of you have dreamed of owning your own Internet business, and have probably been involved in countless opportunities, and succeeded at none.
Aim For Your Star
"Aim for your star, no matter how far, you must reach high above and touch your life with love, you must never look back, but charge on! Attack! See your goal your star of desire, see it red hot, feel it burning, you must be obsessed with it to make it your true yearning, be ready my friends for when you truly believe it, you will certainly achieve it and by all of God's universal laws you will always receive it!"Bob Smith(American editor, author, founder of Orison Swett Marden Foundation)Are you disappointed, discouraged and discontented with your present level of success? Are you secretly dissatisfied with your present situation? Do you want to become a better and more beautiful person than you are today? Do you want weight loss, or an end to food obsession? How about inner peace?Yes, you can have what you want! Of course you can. But accomplishing your goals while at the same time feeling inner peace means doing things differently than you've done them before.
How to Deal Effectively with Anxiety
Every human feels anxiety on occasion; it is a part of life. All of us know what it is like to feel worry, nervousness, fear, and concern.
Recreating Yourself
So it's time for a change. You've taken that hard look in the mirror and you've decided that who you are is not who you want to be.
You Can Get There From Here
But first you've got to raise your standards.I know at some point you had big dreams.
How to Make $100,000 Dollars as a Personal Trainer - Part A for Attitude!
My name is Greg Ryan. For the last twenty years I have counseled thousands of personal trainers, fitness directors and gym owners on how be successful in the health and fitness industry.
How to Tune In Your Brain & Feel Confident with People in Moments
One day when I was in school, many years ago, the school principal wandered into our class room, sat down and started to talk.He talked and talked; and there was nothing we could do to stop him seeing as how he was in charge!For once he actually said something that interested me and I never forgot what he said.
A Perrverse Confidante
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 15, 2002Dad passed away years ago and Mom lives alone. She is still young and healthy, yet she always plays the victim.
Working With Choices
Despite our skills, experience or expertise we can still make a meal out of making a choice!Here are some common reasons why people struggle to make choices, and some tips for making them easier.1.
Dare To Be Inconsistent, Lopsided, And Totally Courageous
I was talking to one of my coaching clients and she was talking about not being able to stay with a meditation practice, so she gave up meditating altogether. "I'm either gung ho all the way or I don't show up at all," she said in disgust.
After July 8, Pay This Amount
You undoubtedly go through this, too. A few times a month you gather up the bills coming due and write checks or pay them online.
How Does Sports Coaching Differ from Corporate Coaching?
Athletes Versus EmployeesMost athletes are young, open to improvement, eager to learn and anxious to receive what a coach can provide. For the athlete, there is a defined season and something tangible to compete for.
A World of Possibility
When I started my sales career over 25 years ago, I worked for a small company selling telephone answering equipment. Hard to believe it but in those days I had to explain to prospects what the equipment was for and why they might want to use it.
Whats Wrong with Life Coaching?
As a Life Coach I quickly identified most individuals wanted to achieve a particular goal or ambition and tried it themselves without success, and unfortunatley were still reluctant to get any help. So, I started 'A Life Coaching' a company which provides individuals with the tools, skills and processes to Life Coach themselves.
Every Obstacle Always Presents an Opportunity
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock.
The Pitfalls of Procrastination
We all put off making decisions and taking action sometimes (yes, me too). It's okay to do that occasionally but if you are a regular pontificator then it will constantly cause you pain, even if you aren't aware of it.
Negotiating Difficult Life Transitions
Life is a process of beginnings and endings. In both life and nature, there are times when things move slowly and don't seem to change very much.
Life Coaching for Success and Fulfilment
We live in a world of rapid change and uncertainty. Nothing is as it was even ten years ago.