Why Standard Visitation Should NOT Be Standard
When a nuclear family separates, it usually separates into a "custodial" family and a "non-custodial" family. The custodial family is the parent with whom the children reside on a day-to-day basis. Most often, it's the Mother. The non-custodial family is the other parent - usually Dad - and the children when they are with him.
Dad usually gets "visitation" with his children. Some states refer to it as "parenting time," recognizing that he maintains his status as parent, but still distinguishing that his time with his children is regulated.For families which - prior to the separation - had Dad in the home, seeing the children every day, interacting with the kids on a regular basis, probably the single most traumatic event is when the kids realize that they won't see Dad every day. The single most on-going trauma occurs to kids when the visitation schedule is interfered with by Mom.
Now, this does not occur in every case, but it happens often enough. "Standard" visitation is alternating weekends and one evening per week. This is imposed because Moms, courts, and experts put forth that more frequent visitation is "disruptive" to the children and that kids should not be "bounced back and forth."
For kids that have gone from seeing Dad 30 times a month to 8 times a month, there IS nothing more disruptive! For kids that have gone from learning from, and being loved on a daily basis, by TWO parents to the sole CONTROL of one parent, there is NO bouncing that is more disruptive.If Dad is denied ONE weekend, his time with his children is reduced by 25%. Somehow, THAT disruption is never considered. Also never considered is the REAL disruption that occurs on the "one night per week": kids get bundled up, travel with Dad, get unbundled, eat dinner, maybe do homework, get bundled up again, travel back, get unbundled at Mom's house, and get ready for bed. Doesn't it make more sense to stay OVERNIGHT with Dad on this visit?
Where the children had Dad in the house on a daily basis, Courts need to consider schedules that provide the kids with more regular visit - daily after school, or every other day, or more mid-week overnight visitations. Kids who do not see their father are more likely to be abused by a boyfriend or step-father, abuse drugs,or engage in criminal activity. Frequent visitation may be one way to stem this terrible tide.