A Date With A Stranger
Well, I have decided to move forward once again. I have had two relationships that I thought were it, believed I got all the signs, thought I had found my soulmate. Just to be slapped back into reality once again. I am so tired of the whole dating game. I am now 31 yrs old. I really miss having a family life. I have my son, but I am yearning for so much more. I guess my whole outlook on life was love. That was the most important thing to me. I have since decided that maybe I am putting way to much emphasis on finding the right one and not putting enough effort into meeting new people as friends and possibly potentials. I was just never a dating girl I guess.
My friends say, 'there is no reason for you to always look at every situation and person as a love interest'. Am I wrong for looking at it that way? I am definitely not the "go out and have fun girl". Meaning I am not a one- night- stand type of person. I have only had one in my lifetime and I am proud of that fact that it was only one. I wouldn't have had that if I would've known that was what it was. It seems I have been smart enough or just lucky enough to not have that in my life. No matter what anyone says I don't honestly believe that any self- respecting lady has one- night- stands but hey that is my opinion. I guess you can call me old -fashioned. I want the fairy tale and I have thought, twice now, that I had found it. The first time with my now ex husband and the second time with my now definitely ex boyfriend.
I am so furious, not with men but I, myself, I guess. I always put myself, or now put myself in a 100% out there and involved in my relationships. Maybe because I am not the dating type, maybe because I don't want to be played myself. Either way, I don't play games and a lot of people don't, but then some do. I know I am young at 31, but when you put love as a top priority it gets so old when it isn't reciprocated. I will explain me if I haven't done that enough already.
I am 31 yrs old. I am a single, mother of my son, Dakota, whom is 7 yrs old. I am a student, majoring in Criminal Justice. I am a stay at home mom other than school. I do the best I can. I visit with friends often and they visit me. My friends are my family, I love them dearly. I have family and I am close with some, and very close with others in my family. I am very independent, meaning I don't think I need a man, but I sure would like to spend the rest of my life with one. If that is in the cards. I do not play games. I detest them and people who do play them. I don't need to be with a man 24-7. I like having my free time, and I like doing things with my son that involves us (me and Bub), until I meet the right person that is how it will remain. I don't get my son involved in my relationships. My friends and I spend a great deal of time talking and hanging out together, on a daily basis pretty much.
I am not one to bug a man, maybe that is it. Maybe the men I meet just need someone who is well, needy, and that isn't me. I don't call everyday, I don't want to see you everyday if we just met, I want you to accept my son first and foremost but when I feel it is right, You can meet him when I am sure, I want a man to accept my friends and my family. Is that really to much to ask? Treat me with respect and consideration, actually want to be involved and in a relationship with similar goals in mind regarding that, as in a commitment. Is that what we are working towards? I don't want to be committed right off the bat though. I don't think I have asked for a whole lot. I have went out of my comfort zone, giving people the benefit of the doubt to quickly realize I was right in thinking it was a mistake to begin with. My fault, but it still stings. I just want to be happy. I am happy, but I want to be able to be involved and be happy. I want my best friend and soulmate. Is he out there, is he looking?
I thought for sure with Jon it would be different but I have no idea why he does what he does and I can see finally, it isn't going to change and it isn't me, he just doesn't get it, the whole love thing, but it is on him, and I am not resentful anymore. I want all my exes to be happy, I truly do. I did meet someone and I have known him for awhile. But you know what I am scared to death because I honestly don't know how to date without looking at a person as a possible love interest, if you know how please tell me. I mean it seems to go against my nature.
The big thing is I don't think it is going to be anything but someone to talk to and have fun with because he is only 21. OMG, what am I getting myself into. what made me decide to go out with him, is this, he would always stare at me, now I mean stare, as in walk away turning around backwards to look, when he would come over near me he would look me dead in the eye and to be quite frank I haven't had anyone do that for a long time. He is beside himself when we talk for some reason. He always touches his face and rubs his hands through his hair, that nervous reaction you get, ya know what I mean. He will stare me in the eyes when he is talking or walking by, I get a little rush I have to admit. The fact that I don't think it will amount to anything because he is so young kind -of makes it a little more interesting.
My date with the "baby" as I will call him, not in a bad way in a "precious name' way. I have a habit of nicknaming my exs. I have no idea why. I just do, some aren't that precious either, lol. I like this young guy's charisma, I like that he isn't intimidated by me. I can tell that by his, look me in the eye, demeanor yet I feel a sense of over -whelming attraction, could be a good thing or bad. All I know is I need a break from being serious, now I am not meaning I am going to sleep with him on our date but I am going to look, or at least try to, look at him differently and I will let you know how it goes. He made me promise to keep the date regardless, and I agreed, so we will see what happens, wish me luck and to you all going out on your first date with someone new, good luck and God bless ya.
Vaughn Pascal
To Bub: I love you so much