Finding a Mentor in the 21st Century

Traditionally, mentors volunteer the wisdom of their experiences to help others who wanted to follow in their footsteps. These days, many people have learned to appreciate the value of a good mentor.

Therefore, we see messages on discussion boards asking, "Would someone be willing to mentor me?" Total strangers call, asking, "Will you be my mentor?"

You may get lucky. You begin a series of one-to-one conversations with someone you respect. Soon, the relationship has evolved into full-scale, helpful mentoring, with no effort on your part and no fees to pay.

However, you may find yourself paying in other ways. Mentors sometimes seek rewards not from money but from the satisfaction of seeing their protegés ("mentees") flourish.

They may become frustrated because, "You're moving too slowly!" or, "You're not following my suggestions!" And they may be reluctant to see you fly off on your own.

Regardless, just because someone's been successful doesn't mean she's the right mentor for you. Many resources are better at teaching than doing and vice versa. Some of the most successful professionals cannot articulate why they achieved so much and the path they followed may be closed to you.

Before you begin your search, ask, "What do I want from a mentor? Information? Moral support? Ongoing encouragement? And can I obtain these benefits by paying a coach or consultant? If I stumble across a mentor, will she be able to provide these benefits in a helpful way?"

And are you prepared to be a good mentee? Will you listen carefully, act on advice (or be prepared to explain why you won't), and express appreciation to your mentor? Will you avoid making unreasonable demands?

These days, mentoring tends to come with a price tag, and the service may be labeled "consulting," "coaching," or even "counseling." For example:

"Mervin" wanted to open a retail toy store. "Gwen" had found success with a similar store in a nearby town that resembled his own. Mervin offered to pay Gwen a thousand dollars to learn the business. Gwen accepted. Mervin now has his own successful store and he remains friends with Gwen.

"Hilary" wanted to set up a life coaching business. She found experts who would not be competitors and paid them for mentoring. There was a fine line, she says, between coaching and mentoring, and she paid the equivalent of coaching fees.

"Reginald" found a mentoring service that charged a monthly $200 fee, giving him access to experts who normally charged $500-$1000 per session.

These stories exemplify the New Mentoring, usually more effective than asking for help from strangers. A proactive approach allows you to identify the service you need, assess the would-be mentor's ability to deliver that service, begin and end when you choose, and avoid hidden costs. Focus on the benefits you receive, regardless of the label, and these days, be prepared to pay the going rate.

I offer one-to-one consultations on career strategy.

About The Author

Cathy Goodwin, Ph.D., is an author, speaker and career/business consultant, helping midlife professionals take their First step to a Second Career. http://www.cathygoodwin.com.

"Ten secrets of mastering a major life change" mailto:subscribe@cathygoodwin.com

Contact: cathy@cathygoodwin.com 505-534-4294

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

Cause and Effect! Choose a Path
Three steps to your Personal Transformation:Awareness and PerceptionLaw of Cause and EffectLaw of AccumulationThese categories are what you need to understand in order to be in total control of your being!Most go through life never reaching their potential because they never take control of all their faculties or abilities.This information is designed to help you gain complete control of your life!So lets get into it1) Awareness and perception.
Receiving Thanks and Praise - The View from the Other Side
We demand more from those who provide to us and because we are frequently in roles which deliver goods and services ourselves, we are on the receiving end too - of complaints, frustrations and generally poor behaviour.Why is it that when we are on the receiving end, we miss the fact that we ourselves, when we hang up our service-provider-hat at the end of our shift, often end up as 'customers behaving badly' too?Why do we take our own frustrations out on others, the way it has been taken out on us? Why do we sometimes become the Hyde from our normal Jekyll?So, when someone goes the 'extra mile' to say 'Thank you', or appreciate the actions you have taken? What do you take from that and how do you react? You feel good, I guess.
Why Things Are The Way They Are
Things are the way you think they are, because you think they are that way. An interesting statement I know, but let's break it down a bit if you will, and see what this Really means.
Integrating Life and Work
Organizations are finally creating cultures that support a work and life balance for their employees. After years of demanding high productivity and increasing on the job hours and expectations and not achieving the hoped-for better results, companies are finally embracing polices and procedures that support employees in integrating their life and work experience.
The $10,000,000.00 Question
When I asked my client, Amanda, what she would do if she won a $10,000,000.00 lottery prize, she quickly answered " I would move to Hawaii and sit on the beach all day.
Why Pacing and Leading is for Wimps!
Okay, you have read some books on body language and they all said you must mirror and match, pace and lead..
How to Create Your Ideal Life - Excerpt from Individual Power
When I lost it all, I felt powerless. During my darkest hours, I wrote letters to God asking "why?" I received answers in writing.
Do You Ever Give Up Coaching Employees?
In principle, we don't want to give up coaching employees. We want to believe that we can eventually make a difference.
Top Ten Tips for Living Authentically
1. Know your purposeAre you wandering through life with little direction - hoping that you'll find happiness, health and prosperity? Identify your life purpose or mission statement and you will have your own unique compass that will lead you to your truth north every time.
How Stella (Laurie) Got Her Groove Back!
Being a Life Strategy Coach doesn't mean I'm always on top of my game, completely balanced and without my own challenges. Building a website, writing an e-book, getting a newsletter off the ground and securing clients required a great deal of work andcommitment.
Addiction to Blame
Allen consulted with me because his wife of 18 years had threatened to leave him if he didn't stop blaming her all the time. He admitted to frequently blaming her in a variety of situations.
Executive Coaching - Finding a Coach and Understanding the Process
Nobody in business can fail to have noticed the recent rise in the number of coaches and consultants offering their services. But how do you go about finding a coach who will give you a return on your investment? Executive coaching might be an option for you if you are running your own business or are in an employed management role, and have aspirations to achieve more.
Successful Change Starts With A Shift In Perspective
Like so many in corporate America today, Susan needed more balance in her life-but she did not know how to get it. Faced with a 60-hour work week and a lengthy daily commute, Susan was left with little time for outside interests.
Make a Decision and Take Action!
How are you progressing with the goals you set yourself this year?Have you made a start? Or are you still thinking about it or caught the very popular "I'm too busy" epidemic?Mary's StoryMary runs her own publishing company employing 5 people. She is married with two teenagers.
Key Questions for a Coaching Conversation
There are 2 key skills that coaches need to be truly effective, the ability to listen (often for what is missing rather than what is said) and the ability to ask the right question at the right time.Now in reality there are no 'right' questions, there are however some very good, and fairly generic questions that when asked which can make a significant difference to the way in which a coaching interaction progresses.
Mentors and Coaches: How to Find a Great Mentor
A career coach or mentor is a person who can guide you with the benefit of their experience. He or she may be someone more senior from within your organisation or someone external to your organisation who has been successful in the field or skills you want to develop.
Diverse Marketing Strategies for Those Living with Disabilities
Imagine yourself as the only means of financially supporting you. A little scary isn't it? In today's economy, it is difficult living on a single income.
How to Make $100,000 as a Personal Trainer
In the movie, "The Gladiator," Emperor Commodus' rose to power early on because he realized what was most important to the people of Rome. Most would believe influence would be gained by the accumulation of wealth and fame.
Let Go of Your Past
People have a difficult time letting go of the past because they are held back by unfinished business. They may regret choices they have made or feel guilty about past actions.
The American Dream - Are We Really Free?
The promises of THE AMERICAN DREAM (to have it all and enjoy it all, based on materialistic values system) has been holding us captive and threatening to take our power and freedom away- without our awareness, like a thief in the night.Consciously or unconsciously we make daily decisions to either be a master of our own ship or destiny, if you will, or be a slave to our own circumstances and to other people*s expectations and belief systems that don*t serve our highest good and purpose.