Learn to Say No!

How many times have you agreed to do something that you actually didn't want to do? For someone at work? Your friends? Even your spouse? All you had to do was say no, but the word didn't come out. So you end up doing it?and later resent it.

A coaching client said to me she was agreeing to things she didn't want to do, but for some reason, she felt obliged to do them. Instead of taking enjoyment in the task, she would later feel angry with herself and resentful towards the person she had said 'yes' to.

So then she went on to list further reasons why she wanted to say no. I stopped her by saying, "You are even justifying yourself to me!" We feel we have to justify ourselves and give extremely good reasons for saying no. Even when the reason is simply: "I don't want to."

Check-in With Yourself.

I asked my client what was one thing she could do to work on this. She suggested she start checking in with herself before saying yes or no. You can ask yourself, "Is this right for me?" Support yourself in doing what feels right and well with you. And if it's not something for you, try expressing that no.

Have Fun With It!

Saying no doesn't have to be serious or angry. My client also wanted to lighten up, so I recommended she try stirring it up a little, to have fun with it. You can try out different responses like, "Nope, never as long as I live" or "Baby sit your kids - are you crazy?" What are some other great responses you can try to make 'saying no' more fun?

Make a List.

I suggested my client list the areas and people in her life where she had the most trouble saying no. I told her it was up to her what to do with that list. Where do you have trouble saying no? Is it perhaps time to have some honest conversations with people?

Try this: "This is what I have been doing. I have been saying yes, when I have wanted to say no. I am starting to feel resentful and I don't want to feel that way. I don't want to offend you, and I need to start listening to myself." At the very least, they will have a heads-up that things might be a little different from now one. And - it helps you make an internal shift.

Taking the Plunge.

So what is the worst that could happen by saying no? You might lose some people in your life who are used to you doing what they want. Living an authentic life can seem tough. Sometimes there will be unwelcome consequences.

And I say: Bring on the consequences! In the end, it's worth it.

David Wood is a personal and business coach, and an original founder of the International Coach Academy - a global coach training school.

Looking to become a life coach? Get your free copy of '50 Power Questions' to use with your life coaching clients, and to take charge of your own life. Download here:http://www.solutionbox.com/freedownload.htm

And find out how these ordinary life coaches are making $30,000 to $1.4 million per year! Finally they share their secrets: http://www.10SuperCoaches.com

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

Managing Performance Every Day
The scenario?The company has decided it needs to eliminate costs. Hundreds of jobs are on the line.
Permission To Have FUN
? Have you been working long hours? ? Have you been managing 10 (or more) tasks at once?? Are you combining several different personal and professional roles?99% of my clients are experts at managing lifestyles similar to those above and this issue is dedicated to all of you.Your reward for managing your lives so well is permission to have some FUN.
How To Give Criticism Without Bruising Egos
As responsible employers, parents, and friends, we have an obligation to correct the mistakes of other people in order to enhance their personal success. The task before us is how to correct a deficiency without damaging the delicate ego that can sometimes get in the way.
Successful Implementation of Company Wide Coaching Programmes
Ten years ago I was fortunate enough to be heavily involved in the implementation of a company wide coaching programme, both as an employee who was to receive coaching but also as a manager and coach who was expected to regular coach my reports and my peers to enable them to achieve their objectives. I say, fortunate enough, because I found that when I was coached effectively I became really motivated and focused, and when I finally became a proficient coach, I again found it motivational in that I was able to support and enable my direct reports to achieve more.
Live With An Attitude Of Gratitude
Imagine for a moment one of those nights when you just can't fall asleep and you have to get up early the next morning for a very important meeting of which you are the keynote speaker. Your alarm clock goes off early in the morning waking you from what little sleep you had.
Coaching Skills for Peers: Extending Influence
Many people think of coaching solely as a management technique. Although coaching skills provide managers with the means to get business results while creating solid relationships, the value of coaching in other arenas is often overlooked.
A Sure-Fire, 10-Step Formula To Get Started As A Coach Or Consultant
"My guess is first I'll need some zippy flyers and a tri-fold brochure" said an email from Matt last week. Sadly, he is not the only one thinking that the first step to building a professional business is printing fliers and brochures.
Miscommunication - Root Cause of Problems?
People of two opposing ideas can stir up argumentsand fights. It's that situation when one thinkshe has the right concept while the other one also believes he has the proper notion.
Empowering Vision
Playing Our Part:Sir Michael Costa was conducting a rehearsal, in which the orchestra was joined in a great chorus. About half way through the session, with the trumpets blaring, drums rolling, and violins singing their rich melody, the Piccolo player muttered to himself, "What good am I doing? I might as well not be playing.
Key Questions for a Coaching Conversation
There are 2 key skills that coaches need to be truly effective, the ability to listen (often for what is missing rather than what is said) and the ability to ask the right question at the right time.Now in reality there are no 'right' questions, there are however some very good, and fairly generic questions that when asked which can make a significant difference to the way in which a coaching interaction progresses.
The Story "From the Chicken Coop"?
Many years ago my grandfather, had a small farm andchickens. One morning he sent me out to the chicken coop tocollect fresh eggs.
Who Do You Talk To?
Many of you reading this will be running businesses, or parts of, whether they are your own or not. This means that you have many things to deal with on a day to day basis plus trying to do the long-term thinking needed to lead and run the business.
Executive Coaching and the American President
Perhaps no one better than a former U.S.
Is Time Really Easier to Sell than Products? Generate Extra Revenue by Packaging Up What You Know
Over the years I've worked with very many coaches and consultants who make their money by selling blocks of time.This is great but anyone who's done it - also knows that when they stop working (and selling time) the money soon dries up too.
Are You Worth Investing In?
Do you realise that if you're green you're growing and if you're ripe you're rotten? So says Winston Marsh, Business Marketing Guru in his recent newsletter.Here's an excerpt from it .
Just Listen, Please!
When did you last do that? When did you last listen to yourself? Is there a small voice inside you calling out "Just listen to me" Just listen. Please".
3 Keys to Making Small Talk Easy to Do
Small talk used to be really hard work for me. I never knew what to say and I always worried about saying the wrong thing.
How Empathy Can Reduce Your Anger
Jim, a 42-year old engineer was teaching his eight-year-old son how to fly a radio-controlled airplane. As the airplane was taking off, Jim instructed his son to push the control stick on the radio to the right.
Words That Inspire - PEACE
WORDS THAT INSPIREA monthly quick shot to motivate you, in less than 45 seconds, from Julie Cohen CoachingHow might your PEACE impact the world?Dictionary*says:State of tranquility or quiet, freedom from civil disturbance, a pact or agreement to end hostilities between those who have been at war.What it REALLY means:The feeling of contentment with your life at present; your state of being when things feel comfortable, at ease, light; time in which you feel centered, calm and well.
Its Story Time! - Find the Power Within, or The Truth About Dogs
I heard a story recently, and wanted to share it with you. It goes something like this:Once upon a time.