Job Hunting Tips: Accepting Judgment

Applying for work is stressful, no matter the circumstances. Even if you are already working, and merely looking to see what else is out there, you still want to be offered the position. If you realize, half way through an interview, that you would be miserable working for this company and you wouldn't let your dog take the job, you still want it to be offered. If the hours are unsuitable, the job duties demeaning, and the salary a joke, you still want to be made an offer.

Why is it so important to us to have an offer made which we already know we will reject?

It is important because we are aware that we are being judged. We talk about skills and experience and prior accomplishments but that has already been outlined in a resume. A face-to-face interview is for the purpose of judging you as a person: Will you fit in? How do you express yourself? How do you look? Are you pleasant to have around? Are you likable?

If a job offer is made, we feel validated and worthwhile -they liked us. We never think "He really didn't like me but my skills are so great." We want to be liked, we want to be wanted, we want to be appreciated for what we are.

If no job offer is forthcoming, we take it personally: "I guess they didn't like me." Regardless of our whether our skills were a fit, our salary in the ballpark, or our experience applicable, we feel a personal failure. The negative messages of a lifetime, stored in our brain, start playing: "I'm just not good enough. I'm worthless. People don't like me. Why do I always mess up? I'm such a failure. Why can't I be more like . . . "


We mentally beat ourselves down by listening to those constantly recycling tapes. Our spirits sink, our energy evaporates, and our self-esteem plummets. This negativity, and its destructive effect on our psyche, can be contained by three techniques:

1. Awareness of what our mind is doing and consciously interrupting its tirade.

2. A refocus of our mental attention to prior successes and accomplishments, no matter how small, to counter the idea that we are lifelong screw-ups.

3. Reframing our value as a person from the specific employee/worker role into the total personality that we are: in our intimate and social relationships, in our family, in our community.

Applying for work sets us up to judged but we need to remind ourselves that only a small discrete portion of who we are is being examined. As a whole person, we are far more than a worker and no employer can judge us on our totality.

Virginia Bola operated a rehabilitation company for 20 years, developing innovative job search techniques for disabled workers, while serving as a respected Vocational Expert in Administrative, Civil and Workers' Compensation Courts. Author of an interactive and emotionally supportive workbook, The Wolf at the Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual, and a monthly ezine, The Worker's Edge, she can be reached at http://www.virginiabola.com


More Resources

Resume Outline - Add Structure & Flow to Your Resume
Building your resume, based on a resume outline will give it structure and flow..
From Bumbling Bosses to Cranky Co-Workers - How to Overcome What Makes You Hate Your Job
I'll be the first to admit that I hated my job. It took many years for me to come to this realization since I kept accepting promotions in the hopes that the awful ache inside of my chest would go away.
Start Working Before You Get Hired
What if there were a way to *prove* to any sane employer that you alone were the one to hire?Would learning how to do that interest you? I thought so.I call this the "start-working-before-you-get-hired" job-hunting method.
Free Resume Template: The ONLY One Youll Ever Need
WARNING: This article is likely to make you mad.In fact, I'm pretty sure it will.
How to Work Effectively With Recruiters
"R-E-S-P-E-C-T / find out what it means to me" is a line made famous by Aretha Franklin, and one that recruiters have adopted as their mantra. This is probably because there is a love-hate relationship between candidates and recruiters.
Stay At Home Moms No Longer Struggling To Make Ends Meet
It is hard to be a stay at home mom. You deal with a lot of pressures that most people would not understand.
Stepping Stone Jobs
What we name something matters.It sets a tone that alters our attitude.
Your Next Performance Appraisal: Make It Work For You
In the rush of everyday work, it can be difficult to think about your own career development. An appraisal is a key opportunity to identify your strengths, areas that need improvement and plans for your future.
Resurgence of the Time Sheet: Why You Should Write Down Your Workday Activities
One day I walked into my boss's office and said, " I think all staff should do a time sheet, including you, from now on." I definitely surprised her but the results of thisrequest certainly got the attention of all of our staff.
How to Negotiate The Best Salary and Benefit Packages
Salary and Benefits NegotiationOne of the most difficult aspects of job searching for many people, especially those who are just starting out or who are making a mid-career change, is actually the salary and benefits negotiation aspect. This is true partly because some people are just naturally uncomfortable with negotiation in general and also because they may not feel knowledgeable enough about the job market to be able to effectively negotiate for better pay and benefits.
Should You Join a Modeling School for Petite Modeling?
If you are thinking of breaking into the petite modeling industry and wondering if you should hundreds of doll ars on modeling school or classes you need to read this article. Here are few facts about modeling schools.
The Night Worker
In the process of musing about our perennially awake world for my Social Psych blog, I started to think about our present work world and how its operations have changed the lives of millions of workers.I manage a 24/7 emergency crew (mental health).
How To Write A Résumé
Figure out what you want to do.You can't write an effective résumé if you have no job target.
Hiring the Perfect Fit Through ELance.com
Outsourcing has moved upward in the most-improved columns of efficiency and respectability through eLance.com.
A Career in Image Consulting
You might have seen them while watching TV shows such as Extreme Makeover, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, or What Not to Wear. Or you might have heard that Martha Stewart needed them to give her advice on how to look sympathetic to a jury.
5 Steps to Standing Out Above the Crowd at Work
Do you feel like one in a million at work - and not in a good way? When you run into your boss in the hallway, do you get the impression she isn't sure who you are? Are the juicy projects always going to someone else?If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you need to raise your work profile. Here are some tips to get you started.
Writing Great Cover Letters
Cover letters are an essential ingredient to your complete résumé package. This is the best opportunity for you to demonstrate your personal character, knowledge of the company and your business writing skills.
Workplace 911
I've watched a few episodes of Nanny 911 and with the chaos, out of control children and seemingly irreparable behavior, it strikes me as a precursor to Workplace 911. No, not a new reality TV show, but everyday workplace problems.
So You Want A Promotion - What Do You Need To Do To Get the Champagne Corks Popping?
The champagne corks have been popping to celebrate your promotion.You have a well paid job you love - its really interesting.
Before You Begin, Know What To Expect - How You Can Make a Living Proof Reading From Home
Proof reading from home is an excellent way to make money, right? How hard and challenging can it be to do some editing after all?In fact it can be quite challenging to find a good quality proofreader that works from their house. This is due in part to the heavy demands it places on the individual and on their family.

More Careers & Employment Information:

Related Articles

Relocation Myths and Stereotypes
You've probably been taught not to stereotype people based on race, religion or sex. But when you make a career or other life choice, do you still make decisions based on stereotypes?Relocation Myths"Big cities are unfriendly.
Medical Billing Businesses Are Growing Fast And Providing A Needed Service For Doctors
You've seen the commercials and web sites about starting medical billing businesses in your home. You can't just start calling doctors and telling them you will take care of the billing for them.
Finally The First Online Job Agency in Mauritius
Mauritius is a small island in the Indian Ocean with a population of 1.2 million inhabitants.
The Case For Internships
America may be the Land of Opportunity, but this is also the land of the Big Trade-Off. Sure, you can have that nice house, but you're going to have to become a mortgage slave to keep it.
Fuzzy Headed Job Goals Lead to a Fuzzy Headed Life!
May I clarify in this article what I believe to be "fuzzy headed" life and job decisions. I believe both are entwined: life and job.
Successful Job Search: Knocking Out The Competition
Most of the time, competition stimulates us, gets our juices flowing, generates creativity, a sense of excitement, and motivates us to perform at our best. Looking for work is another matter! When it comes to financial survival, to regaining independence and self-worth, competition can be crippling.
What is Workers Compensation Fraud
What is FraudFraud occurs when a person knowingly or intentionally conceals, misrepresents, and makes a false statement to either deny or obtain workers' compensation benefits or insurance coverage, or otherwise profit from the deceit. The key to conviction is proving in court that the misrepresentation or concealment occurred knowingly or intentionally.
How to Reach Your Next Job Faster with Fewer Potholes, Roadblocks
Complacency damages your career more than lack of qualifications. The most obvious roadblock you'll encounter on the race to find your next job is usually regrets about skills, education, and professional knowledge.
Do More than Expected to Get Ahead
One of the best things you can do to increase your career advancement opportunities where you work is to do more than expected.It's often not enough to just do a fine job and expect promotions now and then based on longevity.
Working On A Farm In Kent
Being a student, a person needs to look for summer jobs, to keep up with the expenses for school and fun activities. This task is not always easy, especially when you are studying at an American branch university and you have to pay tuition as well.
Business & Career: Know Your Ruling Star!
"Know your Ruling Star. One man is better received by one nation than another, or is one welcome by one city than another.
Knowing and Guessing
The line between average and exceptional work performance is dotted with ordinary day-by-day behaviors. I was reminded of that line recently.
Your Interview Secret Weapon
Have you ever been on a date where you had nothing in common so you spent your time asking questions about the other person's past?"Where did you work before that? Where did you grow up? Where did you move to after that? How many brothers do you have?"You get the idea. Your brain is in escape mode and your mouth is simply buying time until you can leave.
The Telecommuting Tightrope
For many of us, telecommuting seems like the ideal situation. You wake up, shuffle over to your home office, work at your own pace.
Pair Your Powerful Resume with a Great Cover Letter
Every great resume deserves a great cover letter.A cover letter is crucial because it's the first thingthe hiring manager sees.
Your First Summer Work in the UK - Picking Strawberries The Right Way
Most jobs on farms in the UK involve picking strawberries or berries in general, raspberries and possibly other berries with which I have not have the lucky chance to pick.Picking strawberries is very demanding and hard work and if this being your first summer job, then it will take lots of patience and clear mind.
Lost Your Job? Ten Ways to Bounce Back!
Whether you've been right-sized, downsized, underutilized, or just plain fired, looking for work is a life-changing experience that rocks your world. Regain your equilibrium with these ten strategies and get back to being your best.
Personality Testing; Myth and Realities
It is commonly believed myth that personality testing instruments can measure your personality and predict your future behaviors. The pre-employment testing mechanism has been following this creed without any solid evidence.
Need a Job? Put a Gun to Your Head
A legendary marketing genius once said that, if he had to write a killer sales letter, he would imagine he had a gun pointed at his head and that he would be shot if his advertising didn't deliver.This motivated him to create some of the world's most-profitable ads.
Job Search Blurts
I coined this word to draw attention to the nervous and apprehensive way of saying something in the job search that makes you feel like a buffoon. A "blurt" is a catchy way of saing: Gaffe.