Seven Deadly Types of Job Recruiters

Collect them all!

Over the course of six months in my pursuit of a new job, I have talked to recruiters on a daily basis. I have communicated with or have been contacted by at least 100 recruiters. While there are a few good ones out there, I've found that the majority of them are just plain odd. I have put the most notorious oddballs into categories to help you decide which type you are dealing with. Unfortunately, I speak from personal experience and I have crossed paths with all of these types. If the recruiter you're dealing with exhibits any of the characteristics below...run!

1. The Broken English Speaking Recruiter

Characteristics:

  • Leaves unintelligible messages on your machine in broken or heavily accented English.
  • Sends e-mails to you that read something to the effect of "Send please resume to my convenience regarding job employment of excellence!"
  • Cannot pronounce your very common American name when calling for you.

    • If you get this recruiter:

    Have some fun. Pretend you don't speak English either.

    If you are this recruiter:

    Come on! You can barely speak English, you can't pronounce my name and you can't leave an intelligible message on my machine. I know you're trying to work but so am I! Do you really think I am going to agree to let you represent me?

    2. The Short Attention Span Recruiter

    Characteristics:

  • Sends you an e-mail that doesn't contain any information about the job only that it looks like "a fit".
  • Draws a complete blank about which job she called you for when you return her call.
  • Does not introduce himself in his first e-mail to you.
  • Calls you by three different names in your first conversation.
  • Sends you leads on a job that has nothing to do with your qualifications.
  • Leaves a message for you about a job on your machine. Redials your number and leaves a similar message about the same exact job but addresses you by someone else's name.

    • If you get this recruiter:

    Don't bother replying to his e-mails or phone calls. When he calls back say, "Who are you and what did you want again?"

    If you are this recruiter:

    Dude, drink some Red Bull, pinch yourself hard or do some jumping jacks?just pay attention for crying out loud! We're not that desperate.

    3. The Pushy Job Salesman Recruiter

    Characteristics:

  • Tries to talk you into a job that has a commute of over an hour.
  • Tries to talk you into a lower paying job because it is "such a great opportunity for you".
  • Sends you short, bossy e-mails (usually in all caps) telling you (not asking you) to call him "ASAP".
  • Calls you before 8 A.M.
  • Tries to convinces you that the salary you are looking for is available for the position he has to offer if you work 50 hours a week because "the overtime pay will put you right about where you want to be".
  • Treats you as if you are desperate and wasting his time.
  • When he addresses you he shortens your name to what people used to call you when you were 10.

    • If you get this recruiter:

    Chin up! Put your foot down and don't let him talk you into anything that isn't right for you. When addressing him, add "bo", "o-rino" or "ster" to the end of his name (as in "Jimbo", "Jim-o-rino" or "Jimster").

    If you are this recruiter:

    Somewhere there are a few Buick dealerships that desperately need you.

    4. The Distracted Recruiter

    Characteristics:

  • Interrupts both you and herself to yell at her kids or her dogs in the background without excusing herself or asking you to hold on.
  • Asks you to call his cell phone and proceeds to talk business with you while he is eating, driving or standing in line at Burger King.
  • Sends you e-mails with cryptic or vague subject lines such as "Question about 9955", "Looking?", or "QQ re u frm John Smith".
  • Continually loses her train of thought when discussing an "open position" with you.
  • Asks you what type of job you are looking for and then asks you again ten minutes later as if she never asked you in the first place.
  • Calls you in the morning when you told her several times that the best time to reach you was "after 3".

    • If you get this recruiter:

    Interrupt her to scream "No?wire?hangers!" at your imaginary children or dogs and then say sweetly, "I'm sorry, they just never listen". Forget it. You'll have better luck with your 3 year old son as your recruiter.

    If you are this recruiter:

    Never mind. You probably aren't still reading this by now anyway.

    5. The Stalker

    Characteristics:

  • Calls 10 times a day and does not leave a message, but hangs up 30 seconds into the answering machine message.
  • E-mails you or leaves a message asking for an explanation as to why you won't call him back.
  • E-mails you after you have turned down a position several times to inform you that is still open.
  • Adds you to his weekly e-mail distribution list.
  • Calls you every day since he first contacted you "just to touch base".
  • Says things like "I am really getting sick of you ignoring my calls".

    • If you get this recruiter:

    Yikes. Tread lightly. Don't answer the phone. If you have to, lie and tell him you are no longer in the market because you are moving or have taken another job. If that doesn't do the trick, work it into the conversation that you carry a firearm with you at all times.

    If you are this recruiter:

    For the record, the author of this article is a huge burly easily aggravated man who lives in Nova Scotia and carves whalebones for a living.

    6. The Unscrupulous Recruiter

    Characteristics:

  • Asks for the numbers of your friends and co-workers so that he can recruit them too.
  • Tells you a contract is for eight weeks when it is for four.
  • E-mails you a blank organization chart template and asks you to fill in the names of your managers and their managers.
  • Says he can get you the rate or salary you are looking for but when it comes time to sign on, backs down and swears he told you he "might possibly be able to".

    • If you get this recruiter:

    Give him an inch and you've given him a mile. Be tight lipped. If you want to have some fun, with all the seriousness you can muster, send him his organization chart back with God at the top, your mother second and you third.

    If you are this recruiter:

    Hey slime ball?Richard Nixon called. He wants his M.O. back.

    7. The Ridiculously Overbearing Recruiter

    Characteristics:

  • Insists that you to drive over an hour away to her office just so she can "meet you and say 'Hi'".
  • Excitedly calls you "honey" and talks to you as if you've been friends all your lives.
  • Passes the phone around to all her recruiting coworkers (whom you've never met) so that they each can congratulate you on your new job.
  • Calls you every day for the first week on your new job to "chat about how things are going".
  • Updates your resume "to make it better" without your permission before she sends it out.

    • If you get this recruiter:

    Be a mirror. Be just as overbearing and call her "honey" right back. When she calls you each day say "Wow! This is really weird, honey, I was just picking up the phone to call YOU!" Scan in her business card, touch it up to "make it better" and send it back to her.

    If you are this recruiter:

    Take a bath, a deep breath, a bottle of chill pills and calm the heck down. Seriously.

    Alotta Candor is a staff writer and commentator for JobSchmob.com, the "lighter" side of the working world. She is proud to be a liberated ex-corporate office worker.

    http://www.JobSchmob.com


    More Resources

    Active Listening Skill Tips for Interviews
    During a job interview, a potential employer asks, "Can you take on more than one project at a time?" If you respond, "Yes," you may want to rethink that answer. According to Dynamic Listening: Interview Skills, a computer based training module from Mindleaders in Columbus, Ohio, you should avoid one-word or one-sentence answers.
    Handing in Your Resignation and Serving Notice
    Have you made the right choice? Before deciding to resign from your current position and move to a new employer, you should weigh up as objectively as possible all the relevant factors: remuneration, working environment, location, travel demands, training and development opportunities, promotional prospects, and your future bosses.Consider also what impact a job with the new company would have on your resume.
    Job Hunting Tips: Taking Care of Yourself
    Looking for work is generally a miserable undertaking. No matter how much education and experience you have, you are in a powerless and vulnerable position.
    Seven Steps to Making a Successful Career Change
    My first job was secretary to Moses. Having to transcribe and make 2,430 copies of the Ten Commandments convinced me I was on the wrong career path! OK, maybe I'm not quite THAT old.
    Feng Shui Your Desk for Career Success
    Have you used feng shui around your desk? It's a great way to "test drive" feng shui, to see how well it works for you.In feng shui, we work with a 3x3 grid called a bagua (said "bagg-wahh").
    Back to School for a Career Change
    Q. I hate my job as a computer consultant.
    Tips for Building a Successful Career
    1. Develop excellent work habits - for example, meet deadlines and don't procrastinate.
    Behaviour To Climb The Stepping Stones To Career Success
    The heading of this article could just as well have been "How to position yourself for promotion" or "How to position yourself for career advancement" or "How to climb the success ladder" or something similar.What behaviour will improve your chances for success? Behaviour which can be described as good work ethics.
    My Landscaping Business is Better Than Your Lanscaping Business...
    Yesterday I was having a discussion with Mary who I know from a mother's group that I attend with my daughter Sammi. Through previous conversations I have determined that this woman is very talented in the areas of landscaping and interior design.
    Staying In Shape
    Why Lawyers Should Eat Bananas by Simon Tupman is a book that caught my eye both because of its unusual title and because I coach lawyers who are growing their practices. The book cover says it gives "Inspirational Ideas for Lawyers Wanting More Out of Life"Much of what Mr.
    The Art of Selling Yourself!
    To "sell" oneself on paper is not easy. Creating a resume is a design and construction job and a test of your writing skills as well.
    Five Qualities Employers Want
    More than ever, employers want employees who can produce results! Here are five qualities employers seek in such employees.1.
    How To Take The Pain Out Of Performance Reviews
    The Painful ApproachFor many years, "performance management" was of an annual event dreaded by both the management and the workforce. For a week or two every year the manager would virtually isolate himself and ponder the stack of review forms staring him in the face.
    Just a Series of Choices
    Steve's a pretty regular guy - wife, 4 kids in their blended family, 12+ years of engineering experience, a degree, mortgage, car payments, some debt? and feeling depressed because he waited to look till the end. Last time he transitioned was 5 years ago for more money and he liked some of the people and it was simple?this time he's heard some in his professional association have been looking for almost a year.
    Should You Lie On Your Resume?
    Warning: Lying on your resume could cost you your job and your freedom.Picture this.
    Working in Dubai
    Dubai in the United Arab Emirates is one of the world's fastest growing employment hotspots in the world. Up to 20 new companies establish themselves in the emirate's free trade zones every week and since 2002 some 650 companies have registered in the Dubai Media City free trade zone alone.
    Creating a Feng Shui Power Office: 6 Easy Tips to More Successful Surroundings
    More and more people are looking to gain an edge in their working environments. One method that business people are increasingly turning to is feng shui.
    One Step at a Time in the Job Search
    What is the first step to take in a job search?Let's start with "Who Am I?" If the job seeker can answer that question easily, then the rest of what to do, comes easily.It is often the hardest thing to do in a job quest, or anything else in life.
    Unlimit Your Life!
    Do you have a tendency to think in absolutes?Is everything good or bad, black or white?This type of thinking can severely limit your options. Or worse, prevent you from getting an accurate picture of what'spossible.
    Job Dissatisfaction
    Job dissatisfaction is a driving force behind individuals seeking employment elsewhere. When evaluating your employment it is important to distinguish between the work you do and your workplace.

    More Careers & Employment Information:

    Related Articles

    How to Give Job-Winning Answers at Interviews
    Human Resources personnel, professional recruiters and various other career experts all agree: one of the best ways to prepare yourself for a job interview is to anticipate questions, develop your answers, and practice, practice, practice.There are plenty of websites that offer lists of popular job interview questions, and knowing the types of questions to expect can be very useful.
    Top Ten Guidelines For Working With Executive Recruiters
    1. Select the right type of recruitment partnerDetermine whether you would be best served by a retained, contingency, contract or research based partner at a global, national or local level.
    Using Freelance Websites to Telecommute
    How is your job hunting going? Have you had problems finding legitimate jobs? I don't know if you've ever thought about using freelance websites to obtain work at home, but this should be something you look into. It might not be for you, but you never know until you try.
    When Bad Interviews Happen to Good Candidates
    Going through the motions of a bad interview is like peeling back the layers of an onion. Sally learned this lesson the hard way, hands-on during an interview that should have been a piece of cake.
    Do You Need Help Writing A Winning Cover Letter?
    Your cover letter is critical to your success. It sets the tone.
    Inside Sales Jobs: A Job Worth Seeking?
    Are you interested in inside sales as a career? Inside sales can be a very rewarding job if you so choose. What is the difference between inside and outside sales positions? If you think the difference is staying out of the sun, read on and discover if or why an inside sales job could be for you.
    Employment Law: Unfair Dismissal - Employer Succeeded in Changing Terms of Employment
    Good News for Employers wishing to change the terms of employment of employees, however, employers must still take care.In Scott & Co v Richardson [2005], the Dependant, Mr Richardson, who worked for a Scottish firm of debt collectors, refused to accept his new terms of employment which required him to visit defaulting debtors during the evenings.
    Applying for a Job in China
    Working in ChinaWorking in China is very common now. Either you are sent to China by your company or you apply for a job to be stationed in China.
    Are You Tired of Hiring Other Peoples Rejects? - 12 Mistakes Recruiters Make and How To Avoid Them
    When John applied for a job at Oakland Company, his resume looked fabulous, showing tremendous talent and advancement. His qualifications were beyond question and he built immediate rapport with everyone in the interview process.
    What is Absolutely the Best Day to go on a Job Interview?
    First of all, to fully understand and appreciate the answer, a couple of givens must be taken into account. What I believe to be the most important item for dealing with an interview successfully is, your attitude.
    Conduct An Informational Interview
    Informational interviews are designed to get as much information as you can about the industry and career you're seeking a job in from people who are already in that career.Many job seekers don't conduct informational interviews because the purpose of this type of interview is NOT to ask for a job.
    F-E-A-R in the Job Search!
    Fear in starting a job search is a four letter word! Like any other four letter word, the word itself can create more fear, and some- times self-loathing!Look at the fear when it applies to a job search.Fear of others.
    9 Secrets to Career Success
    Are you miserable at your job (or what you are doing) but go anyway to earn a living? Do you feel you are unable to use your talents and are doing things that are stressful? Do you find yourself in a career rut? Wouldn't you rather be in your ideal income position and "Go to Play" everyday? Most people spend approximately 35% to over 67% of their waking hours working. Being unhappy for so much of the day makes it difficult to enjoy the rest of your waking hours.
    Learn How To Succeed At Career Fairs
    This career article will give you some great tips on successfully navigating thru career fairs.This issue will quickly cover the following:A) Purpose of Career FairsB) How To Best PrepareC) Tips & Strategies During The FairD) Career Fair Follow-UpA) PURPOSE OF CAREER FAIRSCareer fairs are designed to provide job seekers a way to explorecareer opportunities within a variety of companies at one location.
    Career Change: A Glittering Invitation To The Emotional Stalkers
    As much as you are yearning for career-change, and as much as the trends actually favor it, just contemplating a shift is a glittering invitation to four emotional stalkers who love nothing better than to play a nasty game of team-tag at your personal expense. When you unmask these bandits -- even a little -- they begin to lose their emotional charge - leaving you free to more fully explore the opportunities to re-invent yourself.
    Dont Let Difficult People Derail Your Career
    Unless you are among the luckiest people in the world, or you are totally free of all relationships in the real world, you have to cope with difficult people in the course of your work.Difficult people are everywhere.
    Expose Lies on Resumes
    Purpose: Learn about the new Polygraph for management hiresHis heart dropped when he saw his boss from his current company walk into the interview room with his prospective new employer. In a flash, every exaggeration on his resume was known.
    Interview Tips - Ten Top Dos & Donts for Winning Interviews
    In this day and age it can become increasingly difficult to even get your foot in the door and get an interview; once you've accomplished that you will want to make sure you continue to put your best foot forward and nail the interview as well. Unfortunately, as great as their skills, experience and education are; the interview is where many people lose a job opportunity to their competition.
    Are You an Ex-career Woman Living In a New Country?
    Were you once a successful, professional woman who had a significant status level and received adequate remuneration for your work?Have you re-located to a new country where the educational degree you worked so hard to achieve is neither recognized nor considered valid?As a result, have you now settled for a job for which you are overqualified and living paycheck to paycheck?If you once had a successful professional career and answered yes to the above, you probaby understand how frustrating it is, to be unable to practice your profession in a new country.The decision to immigrate to another country is a courageous act which involves leaving everything that you know and everything that makes up who you are.
    Writing a Must-Read Cover Letter
    If you want to land an interview, you'll need more than a perfectly polished resume, you'll also need a perfectly polished cover letter.A cover letter does more than provide a mere introduction, it gives the employer an opportunity to see why you are the right candidate for the job-before she even takes a look at your resume! By taking the time to customize a cover letter to each job opportunity, you can almost guarantee that your resume will get a good look instead of landing a permanent home in the circular file-or worse, the recycling bin.