How Much Time Do You Invest in Relationship Maintenance?

When starting a new relationship, we usually adopt asubconscious idea as to how much maintenance thisconnection will need. Usually, if given some thought, wecan throw a microscope over this concept while it is in itsfledgling state.

However, time, no matter how you cut it, is a commodityand is as precious as a trillion dollars in your hot littlehands. We attempt to save it, cut it, splice it among severaltasks, take it for granted, and waste it. Although, most ofus never consciously connect relationship maintenance withtime.

In going back to a new relationship, it cannot be denied thatin this most tender state, both parties look to each other forneeds to be fulfilled. If enough maintenance is not given byone, the other will eventually pull back, unless anunderstanding is clearly stated from the outset.

For example, at this point in my life, with a young daughter,my time is squarely directed towards my family. This isespecially true, considering I spend my mornings with her,and see her every night. In order for me to be able to giveany other relationship the consideration it needs, I wouldhave to scale back my time with my family, and at this pointI am not willing to do this.

Being spread as thin as hot butter is a concept we can allrelate to.

This is just my viewpoint on maintaining the integrity of myfamily relations. Moreover, it is not a reality for myself tohook up with my friends at the drop of a hat anymore, atleast at this point in my life.

So how do we make this determination as to how muchtime we should designate to prospective relationships?

Well, it merely comes down to how solid a foundation youwish them to be on. For me personally, I want my familyrelationships to be on a rock-solid foundation. Sacrificingthe maintenance of other relationships is how your valuesystem should be designed.

Secondly, examining your friendships and their cost benefitratio, not only for you, but for the friend, should definitelybe indicated.

Are you going to be the type when life deals a bad hand to your friend, you abandon that particular person just becausesome gears inevitably switched for them? If you are thatnon-understanding of a person, you are not a true friend.Then comes in the question of loyalty to that friend, if youstruggle with spending less time with him/her due to theirnewfound change. Having a heart to heart discussion withthat person to obtain his/her mindset and system of values,would always be the best route to take.

Respect!

From your viewpoint, do to your friend's life changes, youinevitably feel snubbed and hurt. It is hard for you torespect his/her wish to spend more time with a new friend,for example. This is true, even though you know that lifekeeps moving forward no matter what, change is always ahuge part of life.

It is not about you all the time.

A more selfless mindset would guide you and you would behappier for your friend's newly found joy. Understandingthat scaling back as life's changes come calling, gives youthe expectation that this indeed will be an integral part ofyour relationship, rather than backing out completely.

An understanding among friends.

If you are an understanding friend, or wish your friendswere more understanding, then laying this foundation downsooner than later in the relationship is best. When oneparty feels betrayed, this gives not only this relationship therespect it needs, but when your life change occurs, theywon't feel slapped in the face.

If your friends won't be your friends because they don'thave limitless access to you anymore, then you don't haveto invest too much time into maintaining that relationship. This means they cannot appreciate your higher and lower values.

Invest into your family your time and love, and then havean understanding with your friends that being flexible ratherthan rigid, will strengthen your relationship with them. Remember, a relationship is a two-way street that needsmaintenance and time, so giving too much to a friendshipwill inevitably take away from your family.

Making this proper assessment is logical and practical andresults as a template to follow from which you can issuetime to your perspective relations.

--by Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com
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