Are You Relationship Ready?

So, you want to fall in love? You are certainly old enough and movingwell along your chosen career path. Many of your friends are either married or in committed relationships. You have grown weary of the singles scene

and the solitary life. Therefore, you must be ready, right?

Not necessarily.

So what is relationship readiness anyway? Exactly what it says. You areadequately capable of handling the commitment and challenges that ahealthy, intimate relationship requires.

How do you know if you are ready? What are the characteristics you needto have or acquire in order to be ready for true love?

There are four primary areas that you should explore in order to assessyour present state of readiness.

1. Take an inventory of past traumas and related major issues.

You should mentally review these and honestly look at how well you have already addressed and resolved them.

As you work through each, ask yourself, "Is this impacting me negativelyin my present life." Also explore with yourself the possibility that theissue could become problematic once you have entered into an intimaterelationship.

If you believe that there are things you have not yet adequately dealt with, you need to go to work on these. If you are unsure, then they bear closerexamination. Consider utilizing resources such as therapy or joining a support group.

An example of such issues can include, but not be limited to;emotional, physical or sexual abuse in childhood, parents' divorce, lossof a parent or other loved one, or a past abusive or dysfunctional loverelationship.

2. How's your self-awareness and self-esteem?

If you do not possess adequate self knowledge and a positive sense of self; an intimate relationship will be difficult or impossible to sustain.

For instance, do you know yourself well enough to answer the following?

Can you state your most deeply held values?

Do you know what you can't live with or without in a relationship?

Do you have a good grasp of your life goals?

Do you know your own strengths and weaknesses?

Now, do a quick assessment of your self-esteem.

How do you see yourself?

How do others see you?

Remember you present different selves:

at work

with family

with friends

in gatherings with acquaintances

If your answers tell you that you have difficulty accepting and likingyourself, or if others frequently respond negatively to you in yourinteractions with them, then this is an area you should begin work on.Self-love is at the foundation of all healthy relationships.

3. Are your past relationships really in the past?

If we don't get adequate closure on painful experiences/issues frompast relationships, we are at risk of bringing them into present andfuture relationships in order to relive and resolve them.

Therefore, it's important to know that you have dealt adequately withany significant hurt or loss and have learned from any dysfunctionaldynamics you may have contributed to.

If you find yourself slipping into unhealthy patterns in your thoughts orBehaviors as they relate to others; stop, identify, and then deal withthat leftover issue.

4. Do you know what you want from a relationship?

We enter into relationships for many different reasons and with many different expectations. Knowing what yours are will help you todetermine if this is the right relationship for you.

Too often we "choose" someone using an unconscious level of thoughtas our primary input. It is there that we hold our deepest unmet needs,fears and desires. Unfortunately, there is often a chasm between ourconscious and unconscious selves that keeps this information"hidden" from our rational and thinking side.

Therefore, it is very important to examine all of your feeling and needsregarding any future relationship. Honestly look at what you must haveand cannot live without.

You must know what you want and need from a future partner in orderto choose the right one for you.

Now, spend some time exploring these four important areas before youenter into a serious romantic relationship. By doing so, you will behelping to ensure that your new relationship will be a healthy andlasting one.

Toni Coleman is a licensed therapist and relationship coach in private practice in McLean, Virginia. She specializes in working with singles that want to create lasting, intimate relationships. Toni has over 20 years of post-masters experience in relationship counseling and coaching with singles and couples. She is the founder and President of LifeChange Coaching and Consum-mate Relationship Coaching. She developed and teaches the Creating Lasting Relationships Training, a tele-workshop designed to help singles to define, implement and fulfill their life and relationship goals. She has also written numerous email classes for singles on all aspects of meeting, dating and relating. She is the author of the email newsletter, The Art of Intimacy, which goes out to thousands of subscribers monthly.http://www.consum-mate.com