Cat Diaries - CD Club


For the third time this month, the cats have joined a CD club in my name. This latest one is the deal where you send them a penny and they send you a dozen CDs of your choice and bill you for everything not covered by that penny. According to the contract, I am only obligated to buy another 20 CDs a month for life and at prices only slightly higher than it would cost to have the actual band perform at your house. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I can't afford the CDs or the disappointment at learning that all the CDs are by Barry Manilow. It turns out all cats love Barry Manilow. It's like audio catnip to them. I have e-mailed Barry a couple of times with an intricate plan I devised for him to come here and Pied Piper these cats out of here and over to this area of town called Little Korea where they will be properly appreciated, but he has never answered me. I think he might be weird.

Anyways, when the bills come I show the cats but they just say, "we're cats, we don't have any money," and then they laugh like that is way funnier than some of the really funny things I have said around here. See, the cats say it's a win-win-win situation. They get Manilow CDs, the guy taking my Visa number over the phone gets a sale and I get a credit score lower than Detroit's. There's that laughter again. That's when they usually crank up some song about Lola at the Copa Cabana. I tried to explain to them about fraud but I don't think they care. Let's face it, each of them has a checkered past. Bigby was listed as an alternate in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade until he was caught sabotaging the Woody Woodpecker balloon. Midnight is still on probation for breaking into a ChikFilA and of course there was Beeble's Ponzie scheme. They have even talked about forming a group of super villains. The only thing stopping them is that each one of them wants to be called Catwoman. Even the males.

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