Parenting Information

Entering Their Imaginative World


In dealing with children with autism spectrum disorders, its all about relationship. These children are within a realm where they feel and respond much differently than others. There has been much focus on trying to eliminate certain behaviors or to evoke particular responses in children which actually become rote and repetitive for them without context. One of the goals in aiding these children should be in helping them find meaning. In order to do this we must be willing to not look at the child as broken, unable to respond, or even unable to communicate. These children DO communicate, however they are not always able to manipulate their senses to communicate in the typical ways of other children. As a result, they can become easily frustrated and trapped. The therapist must enter their imaginative world and learn to communicate in their language.

Dr. Stanley Greenspan gives an example of a child who initially went to a psychologist who engaged the child in repetitively placing pegs in a board or trying to find beads hidden under various cups. This was supposed to be a measure of the child's intelligence and abilities but it proved ineffective. The child constantly hurled the pegs to the floor. A different psychologist took a unique approach in having the mother participate with the child in a series of interactions. First, the child began grabbing the nose of the mother. Rather than redirecting the child and seeking to have her refrain from the grabbing, the mother responded with a 'toot toot' noise and then allowed her to do it again responding with a new noise. The mother then gently touched the nose of the child and the child to the amazement of the mother smiled and let out a noise, "mo mo". The child had indeed communicated but in her own language. The mother and child had made a real connection. This showed to the psychologist that this child's cognitive development was within a normal range and here was a child who wanted to exert some control over her surroundings. Over time, the communication increased, and the mother was able to have 'pleasurable' discussions with her child that prior had never existed (Greenspan, The Growth of the Mind, 1997, pg. 8-9)

Children with language difficulties need to have emotional and social supports. Unless these are more fully developed, the language will be fragmented and lack meaning (Greenspan, pg. 32). Before language development can come, improving the understanding of non-literal and non-verbal communications need to be worked upon. There are 6 main milestones for children: self regulation and interest in their surrounding world; intimacy; two way communication; complex communication; emotional ideas; and emotional thinking. In Greenspan's floor time model the first goal is to encourage attention and intimacy which helps in the further development of the first two milestones. The parent will actively participate in a period of play therapy engaging their child in creative play allowing the child some direction over the course of the session and taking interest in their activities as well as providing encouraging feedback. Self-regulation becomes difficult for some children because sensory stimulation can be so overwhelming or their attention may wander (Greenspan, Essential Partnership, pg. 8). Difficulties in intimacy occur because the child is not able to effectively read the cues being given. Often times the children will have an easier time with adult relationships because adults are more able to adjust their cues to the level of understanding of the child whereas this does not always occur with peers. A part of reaching out to these children and guiding them in the intimacy milestone is to provide them opportunities to interact with peers and to have them be able to relate back what the other person is stating and feeling. Making use of social stories and role plays can be helpful in aiding the child in understanding the feelings of others as well as their own feelings. A social story is a device used where a make believe dialogue is constructed and the child is asked to fill in the gaps. "A social story is a story written to specific guidelines to describe a situation in terms of relevant cues and common responses (Gray & Granard, 1993). The use of comic strip conversations can also be employed. "A comic strip conversation is the genuine 'art of conversation'. This approach incorporates the use of simple drawings and color to illustrate an ongoing communication. This provides additional support to (children) who struggle to understand the quick exchange of information in a conversation (Gray, 1994). An advanced form of the social story is what is termed the 'thinking story'. "Thinking stories demonstrate the variety of possibilities as to what people may be thinking when they make certain statements, or when they display certain behaviors?Thinking stories follow a specific, structured format, using picture symbols from Comic Strip Conversations to define and illustrate the abstract concepts covered in the story (Baron-Cohen, 1990, Dawson &Fernald, 1987). The person or therapist using the social story can help guide the child through and the use of feelings charts can also be a beneficial aid. To reach the milestones of two way communication and complex communication, it is important within the sessions that the parents have that they utilize a dialogue with the child, help guide them to use their face, emotions, hands, to convey their needs and desires. Encouraging the child's imagination and creativity will help in the development of the complex communication as they begin to move towards problem solving. Lastly, it is important to work on logical thought, being able to take the things they have learned from the parent's coaching and to actually be able to convey some insight and understanding of the world.

In the play therapy sessions, it is important for the parent and/or therapist to actively participate. The purpose should not be to entertain the child, but to interact with the child. Seek to draw near to the child, but this should not be forced, allow the child to express themselves at their particular pace. Use lots of gesturing and cueing and become a part of their imaginative play, allow them to show and teach you something about their world. It is important to not just tolerate their feelings and certainly not be dismissive of them, but allow the child to express their feelings openly being able to distinguish feelings from behavior. Don't be afraid to challenge the child in new skills, they will be eager to learn as long as the challenge is not forced. From time to time, you will notice that these children will become obsessed with routines or repetition, so in the play do something to break the routine or repetition. If a child is repeating a certain topic or action, do something entirely different that will focus their attention elsewhere. Do not be repetitive in your directives and follow a plan of rote learning, allow the child to explore and display what they do know. It is important to ask open ended questions, let the children explain to you. Find out what these children find meaning in, and seek to have them tell you why. Don't judge or evaluate their answers, but be a listener. Help the child to brainstorm new ideas, and particularly when conflict arises, let them be able to perform some self assessment, sit as a partner as they develop adaptive responses and utilize them. Don't be afraid to allow the child to fail from time to time, they will learn and gain insight from their trial and error. When the child is expressing certain thoughts and feelings, help them to be able to label what it is they are expressing (Greenspan, Essential Partnership, pg. 20)

There are key social behaviors as they relate to relationship building that should be addressed with the child who has been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. The first is entry skills. This refers to how the child joins a group of children and whether or not they seek to include other children into their play. The therapist can help serve as a coach for entry skills and encourage scenarios where the child will have opportunities to exercise the skill (Atwood, 1999) Next is assistance, whether the child recognizes when to seek help from others or to provide help to others. Social stories can certainly be utilized in this situation. An example of a social story as given by Dr. Tony Attwood (1999) that applies to this skill is as follows: Sometimes children help me. They do this to be friendly. Yesterday, I missed three math problems. Amy put her arm around me and said, "Okay, Juanita" She was trying to help me feel better. On my first day of school, Billy showed me my desk. That was helpful. Children have helped me in other ways. Here is my list: I will try to say, Thank you! when children help me. Another example of a social story is: My name is Juanita. Sometimes, children help me. Being helpful is a friendly thing to do. Many children like to be helped. I can learn to help other children. Sometimes, children will ask for help. Someone may ask, 'Do you what day it is today?' or 'Which page are we on?' or maybe something else. Answering that question is helpful. If I know the answer, I can answer their question. If I do not know the answer, I may try to help that child find the answer. Sometimes, a child will move and look all around, either under their desk, in their desk, around their desk. They may be looking for something. I may help. I may say, "Can I help you find something?" There are other ways I can help. This is my list of ways I can help other children: Children like to be helpful (Atwood, 1999). For younger children the use of the Mr. Men stories (such as Mr. Nosy, Mr. Grumpy) by Roger Hargreaves can prove useful.

The other skills which need development include receiving and accepting compliments, accepting and receiving criticism, accepting suggestions, reciprocity and sharing, conflict resolution, monitoring and listening, empathy, and learning to ending meaning how to provide closure to an interaction. For conflict resolution skills I recommend the use of Weeks's 8 fold model. In this model one first provides and effective atmosphere for the discussion and resolution of the conflict, clarify perceptions, focus on needs, build shared positive power, look to the future and learn from the past, generate options, develop doables, and make mutual benefit agreements (Weeks, 1992). The child diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome will need particular coaching and support in going through these steps.

Within the education system is a great misunderstanding of Asperger's Syndrome. These children cannot be placed in an autism classroom as they are too high functioning. These children can be challenging and some teachers and school administrators are afraid of taking the necessary steps to insure these children's success. Partial hospitalization becomes an easy out for the school districts. Teachers need to be able to build a relationship with the child and recognize their strengths, being respectful of the child's personal space and boundaries and always speaking to the child in a calm and collected manner. "Teachers need to have a calm disposition, be predictable in their emotional reactions, flexible with their curriculum, and see the positive side of the child (Atwood, pg. 173) Some teachers see that these children will rock in their seats or move their hands or feet and look at these children as being disruptive in the class. The rocking behavior is a way that the child 'grounds' themselves, it is comforting for them, and is not a behavior to condemn the child for nor one that can or should be eradicated. If it appears to be a disruption, the teacher can provide a place for the child to be able to have a break until they feel they are more calm. School administration must understand that for the Asperger's child that sensory stimuli can be very frustrating, and sometimes these children may need brief periods away from school that allow them to regain some emotional stability. Such absences should be written as allowable in the IEP and should not be treated as truancy situations. The size of the classroom is paramount for these children. "Open plan and noisy classrooms are best avoided. The children respond well to a quiet, well-ordered class with an atmosphere of encouragement rather than criticism. Parents find that with some teachers the child thrives, while with others the year was a disaster for both parties. If the teacher and child are compatible, then this will be reflected in the attitude of other children in the class. If the teacher is supportive then the other children will amplify this approach. If they are critical and would prefer the child were excluded, other children will adopt and express this attitude (Atwood, pg. 174). Once a child is in an appropriate environment with the necessary resources, this environment should be maintained. "Once parents have located a school that provides the necessary resources, then it is important to maintain consistency. Going to a new school means changing friends and the school not being aware of the child's abilities and history of successful and unsuccessful strategies." Children with Asperger's syndrome may display an unsual gait and difficulties with motor skills and coordination. They may also have difficulty with sensory stimuli so it is important for the therapist to take note of distressing stimuli and help to limit these things within their environment as much as possible. Activities designed to work on motor skills and coordination can prove beneficial but consideration should be taken as to not force a child or cause undue frustration if the child's abilities are impaired. Emotional coaching can prove effective for parents of the child with Asperger's syndrome. Emotional coaching involves seeking to see the expression of emotions as a time for intimacy and teaching, providing validation to the child's emotions, and helping the child to be able to label their emotions. The parent who is an emotion coach values the child's negative emotions as opportunities for intimacy; can be patient with the child when they are sad, angry or fearful; can identify triggers; does not tell the child how to feel; does not expect to have all the answers (Gottman, 1999). There has been some discussion of a link between gastrointestinal disorders and children with autism spectrum disorders (Wakefield, 1997) Some children with autism spectrum disorders may exhibit encopresis. The child should be regularly seen by a physician if any problem arises. The child should not be punished for occasions of encopresis or be made to feel embarrassed. As pediatric neurologist Fred A. Baughman has stated, autism is a blanket term as is cerebral palsy identifying a developmental condition rather than a psychiatric issue. While those considered within the autism spectrum may display similar traits, there are diverse etiologies (Baughman, 2001). Some children with traumatic brain injury or epilepsy may display autistic traits. However, there can also be psychosocial reasons for the development of autistic traits. The term itself is very loosely used and at present the exact etiology is not fully known. I tend to look at autism as a variation in perception, yet a normal variation. These children are not defective. As individuals may be left handed or right handed, this is a variation, but does not state that a left handed individual who is in the minority is somehow defective or 'abnormal'. Rather, because children with autism have a variance in their perception, this causes them to come into conflict with the general functoning and perceptions of society as a whole. They have unique strengths but may need dome extra assistance in being able to navigate through what the rest of society typically perceives and how it interacts.

There are no medications that will cure autism and Asperger's syndrome. Some individuals have used various medications in an attempt to control behaviors, however it must be realized that this is all that the medications are capable of doing is controlling a certain aspect of behavior by blunting certain brain functions. These medications all have serious risks. "Neuroleptics have their main impact by blunting the highest functions of the brain in the frontal lobes and the closely connected basal ganglia. They can also impair the reticular activating or energizing system of the brain. These impairments result in relative degrees of apathy, indifference, emotional blandness, conformity, and submissiveness, as well as a reduction in all verbalizations, including complaints or protests. It is no exaggeration to call this effect a chemical lobotomy?contrary to claims, neuroleptics have no specific effects on irrational ideas (delusions) or perceptions (hallucinations)." (Breggin, 1999) These medications also carry the risk of causing tardive dyskinesia or neuroleptic malignant syndrome. Tardive dyskinesia is permanent abnormal movements of the voluntary muscles. "NMS is characterized by severe abnormal movements, fever, sweating, unstable blood pressure and pulse, and impaired mental functioning. Delirium and coma can develop. NMS can be fatal?(Breggin, 1999) Common side effects of neuroleptic medications as reported by the Physicians Desk Reference are abdominal pain, abnormal walk, agitation, aggression, anxiety, chest pain, constipation, coughing, decreased activity, diarrhea, dizziness, fever, headache, inability to sleep, increased dreaming, indigestion, involuntary movements, joint pain, lack of coordination, nasal inflammation, nausea, overactivity, rapid heartbeat, rash, reduced salivation, respiratory infection, sore throat, tremor, vomiting. The SSRI antidepressants' are also a common prescribed medication. These drugs can produce akathisia, mania, worsening of depression, obsessive compulsive like behaviors, and severe anxiety and agitation (International Center for the Study of Psychiatry and Psychology Newsletter, Summer 2002, pg. 15) The use of responsible psychosocial and relationship based approaches are far better than any short term benefit that neuroleptics may provide.

Scenarios to reflect upon- Evaluate each choice, what seems most appropriate? Joe is in class and his teacher is explaining a math assignment, Joe sits in his chair rocking back and forth incessantly. The teacher finds this disruptive.

The TSS intervenes by: A.verbally redirecting Joe to sit still and pay attention to what the teacher is saying

B.find a place within the room where Joe will not be a distraction to the teacher, allow him to rock if necessary, ask Joe to explain to you what instructions the teacher gave and insure his comprehension.

C.Place Joe in a time out until he agrees to stop rocking

Margaret has a particular interest in rock music and can give detailed descriptions of bands, songs, etc. Margaret is having an important conversation with her mother, but Margaret keeps getting side tracked wanting to talk about rock music. The TSS intervenes by: A. telling Margaret that later in the day they can listen to rock music together and discuss but presently she needs to listen to what her mother is stating

B.give Margaret a time out for not listening to her mother

C. allow Margaret to continue discussing rock music and have her mother continue the conversation later

John is changing classrooms which often can be frustrating for him. There is a lot of noise and distraction in the hall and someone accidentally bumps John in the hall. John becomes aggressive and begins pounding the lockers and cursing. He lunges at a boy who comes near him. The TSS intervenes by:

A.grabbing John's arms and instructing him verbally that he needs to stop

B. retaining some distance from John, dialogue with him about what is frustrating him, ask him if you can accompany him to a quiet place to sit, offer him a drink, proceed to the classroom once hall is clear and John is more calm.

C. Tell John he will be sent to principal's office if he continues to be disruptive. Lead him to classroom

D. Allow John to continue to pound on lockers until he de-escalates himself

Eric goes to a store and sees a man buying a toy. Eric gets very close to the man and loudly exclaims, "What are you doing? Who are you buying that for?" The man appears startled and walks away. Eric appears hurt that the man would not respond to him. The TSS intervenes by:

A. explaining to Eric that his interaction was inappropriate and he needs to have proper boundaries.

B. Explaining that the man probably misunderstood Eric and not to feel bad, and coach Eric on how he could interact better in social situations Tell the man that Eric has Asperger's syndrome and that he hurt Eric's feelings.

Valanti is frustrated and rather than speaking he clinches his fists, turns red, and begins stomping his feet. The TSS intervenes by:

A. giving Valanti a time out

B. take Valanti aside, allow him to vent, and discuss the feelings and why they were there, using a feelings chart if necessary.

C.Explain to Valanti that his outburst is inappropriate and he will receive a consequence.

SAMPLE FLOOR TIME SESSION (adapted from information provided by Dr. Stanley Greenspan, MD and Dr. Serena Wieder PhD

Preparation: 1 to 5 minutes

*What is your child's mood and energy level?*What is your mood and energy level?*Remind yourself of your child's sensory preferences to help him find his sensory "comfort zone" during your floor time session.*Is she more attentive to high or low pitched noises? *What kinds of textures does he like to touch and be touched by?*What kind of visual experiences attract her?*What kind of movement is stimulating, soothing?*What kinds of oral-motor activity organize his behavior?*What is the child doing?* How can I join in?

Interaction: 20 to 25 minutes

*Position yourself in front of your child.

*Use gestures, tone of voice, and body language to accentuate the emotion in what you say and do. Be animated.

*Talk less. Find ways to play that don't require words.

*When you do talk during play sessions, use language that is at your child's developmental level. If your child speaks in 2-3 word utterances, limit your own speech to 3-4 word utterances.

* Do less. To avoid overwhelming the child or dominating the activity, do only as much as the child is doing.

* Imitate the child's actions.

* Follow the child's lead regarding the "topic" for play. You can choose the topic at other times, but during floor time, let the child choose.

Fostering attention, engagement, intimacy

Follow the child's lead and join him. It does not matter what you do together as long as he initiates the move.

Treat everything your child does as intentional and purposeful. Attach meaning to (seemingly) meaningless behavior.

Join in perseverative play.

Do not interrupt or change the subject as long as child is interacting

Pursue pleasure over other behaviors; do not interrupt any pleasurable experience.

Creating and sustaining interaction in the face of avoidance Do not treat avoidance or "no" as rejection; persist in your pursuit. Insist on a response-ANY response (not just the one you are hoping for). Play dumb or make the wrong move to provoke or sustain an interaction. Playfully interfere with what the child is doing. Block escape routes, and turn the child's escape efforts into an interaction.

ENTERING THEIR IMAGINATIVE WORLD- INTIMATE DEVELOPMENTAL INSTRUCTION

As I begin therapy with children diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders, I initially focus with the parents on the strengths of their child while also obtaining information on their current level of functioning. I see the therapeutic effort as needing to be collaborative and strength based to be successful. I encourage the parents to also become involved in one on one interaction, being coaches to their child, as we travel the path to enhancement and progression in developmental milestones. I suggest to the parents that they spend at least two 30 minute periods each week in one on one interaction such as Greenspan's floor time or a modification thereof. I soon begin to get to know the child (for those who are non-verbal, I will interact directly with them and allow them to take the lead and show me who they are and where their interests lie.) For others I begin to dialogue directly. I seek to identify areas that cause them distress such as transitions and what things may be triggers. From this, the future of sessions lies much in relationship building and in modeling and cueing as well as implementing some of the interventions as listed above to aid the child to develop a greater level of functonining all the while reassuring them the family that their child is not defective but has a unique method of perception that should be appreciated and that delays in development does not imply a complete halt to development.

Try to be as accepting of the child's anger and protests as you are of positive emotions. Remember that anger is often accompanied by eye contact, physical contact, and purposeful interaction-the very behaviors you are trying to foster.


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Loving an Amazing Child Whose Behaviors Can Be Hard to Like with Jessica Secrest

It can feel lonely when your child is struggling. At the end of the day you don't get a prize for being the most tired parent - ask for help, find community. The burden of motherhood is eased a lot when you're not alone. This week Dr. Laura Anderson invites Jessica Secrest to share her experience and tools for loving an amazing child whose behaviors can be hard to like.

Jessica Secrest is a mom of 2, ages 4.5 and 3. Her eldest child was diagnosed with ADHD in 2023 and she shares tips, strategies, and struggles that come with caring for a neurodivergent child. She is an advocate for Body Positivity and works to show her kids that you can be happy no matter your size. Jessica is a big believer in finding your village in motherhood and shares her motherhood journey with her best friend Emily. She is known for sharing their childcare swap arrangements, expressing the importance of leaning on your village and taking time to spend with your spouse when you can.

What You Will Learn:

  • It takes a village

  • Reinforcement to counteract the negative

  • Don't give up - there will be trial and error, but you will find something that works for you

  • Tips for getting your child to listen and hear what you say

Resources:@ApplesauceandADHD



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07/14/2023
Building Resilience and The Art of Setting Boundaries with Kristin and Mike Berry
Parenting is difficult and you are going to be tired, but you need rest and you CAN rest. Join us as we explore the essential elements of maintaining personal health and longevity while navigating the challenges of parenting. Learn strategies to establish boundaries, fine-tune the art of setting limits, and cultivate a support system. Gain valuable tricks and tips for bouncing back when you feel depleted, and remember: you're doing great.Kristin and Mike Berry have been married for more than 15 years and are the parents of 8 adopted children. They co-founded The Honestly Adoption Company, a team of fellow foster and adoptive parents who provide top notch support, mentoring, coaching, and training to help parents thrive and, in turn, transform their families.What You Will Learn:
  • Longevity and personal health is possible
  • Buffering yourself against feedback from observers
  • Boundaries in resiliency, find the line between you and other people on your team
  • Reframe your self talk, this is a critical piece of whether you feel energized or defeated
Resources: https://honestlyadoption.com

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07/03/2023
Empowering the Next Generation: Teaching Self-Advocacy in Neurodivergent Youth with Emily Kircher-Morris, LPC

Neurodiversity refers to the idea that there are all kinds of brains and celebrating neurodiversity encourages us to move away from pathologizing the way that different people learn and think. I urge you to challenge the beliefs we have about the status quo. Emily Kircher-Morris, LPC joins Dr. Laura today for a conversation on the many sides to neurodivergence and how supporting children in this may require a change in perspective. They cover the importance of the affirmation of neurodiversity, teaching your child to advocate for themselves, and staying curious.

Emily Kircher-Morris, M.A., M.Ed., LPC, inspired by her own experiences as a neurodivergent person, is dedicated to destigmatizing neurodiversity and supporting neurodivergent people of all ages. She started her career in education and is now in private practice near St. Louis, Missouri as a licensed professional counselor, where she specializes in supporting neurodivergent kids and adults (and their families).

What You Will Learn:

  • How to affirm and support neurodivergent teens

  • How neurodivergence can result in anxiety

  • How accommodations can impact a neurodivergent person

  • There are ways to connect around this that help everyone feel successful

  • Supporting teens in reclaiming and embracing those identities

Resources: https://neurodiversitypodcast.com/Neurodiversity Universitywww.neurodiversity.universityTeaching Twice-Exceptional Learners in Today’s Classroomhttps://www.freespirit.com/teaching-strategies-and-professional-development/teaching-twice-exceptional-learners-in-todays-classroom-emily-kircher-morris-2e-learnersRaising Twice-Exceptional Children: A Handbook for Parents of Neurodivergent Gifted Kidshttps://www.routledge.com/Raising-Twice-Exceptional-Children-A-Handbook-for-Parents-of-Neurodivergent/Kircher-Morris/p/book/9781646322145



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06/16/2023
The Power of Neurofeedback: Meeting Your Children's Need with Dianne Kosto

The power struggle that occurs when your child doesn't get the help they need leaves all parties feel like they're failing. If your child is struggling and you feel like you've exhausted your resources or haven't yet found the right support that works and are looking to expand to new modalities, Neurofeedback training may be the support you and your child need. Mom on a mission Dianne Kosto joins Dr. Laura Anderson for a conversation on what Neurofeedback training looks like and how it can help regulate your child's brain and make life easier. Dianne Kosto, is the CEO and Founder of SYMMETRY Neuro-Pathway Training, which provides Neurofeedback services and systems to individuals, families, therapeutic programs and professionals across the USA, Canada, and Mexico. With the knowledge that Neurofeedback saved her son's life and restored hope for her family, Dianne is a Mom on a Mission to make Neurofeedback technology available to individuals and families so they can avoid the trauma her family experienced as a result of her son's brain dysregulation.

What You Will Learn

  • What is a brain map report?

  • Does insurance cover Neurofeedback training?

  • What type of misinformation is out there?

Resources:https://symmetryneuropt.comhttps://isnr.org



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06/02/2023
Becoming a Skilled LGBTQ+ Advocate with Jeannie Gainsburg
This is the episode for you if you have wondered how to show up for a child who has come out as LGBTQ+, or if you'd like to parent kids who are allies to the LGBTQ+ community. Social justice starts on a small scale. Language is important, and Dr. Laura Anderson invites Jeannie Gainsburg on for conversation and laughs that also provide tips and strategies for how to navigate allyship and advocacy. The most protective thing we can do is practice careful curiosity. Jeannie Gainsburg is an educational trainer and consultant in the field of LGBTQ+ inclusion and effective allyship. Formerly the Education Director at the Out Alliance of Rochester, N.Y., she is the founder of Savvy Ally Action and author of the book, The Savvy Ally: A Guide for Becoming a Skilled LGBTQ+ Advocate. In 2019, Jeannie received a citation from the New York State Assembly for Distinguished Educational & Human Rights Services for her work in promoting LGBTQ+ rights and inclusion.What You Will Learn:
  • You can redo, rebuild and repair any 'mistakes'
  • How to celebrate the invitation to expand limited boxes in our minds
  • How to use the "switch it" technique to help you frame whether or not your language or question is respectful
  • Using they as a singular pronoun
  • How to practice pronouns


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05/19/2023
Brain Systems and Interventions for Growth with Patrick Martin
Often a fear of labels will hold people back from a diagnosis that will ultimately help them function better long term. Behavior is behavior, not good or bad. Discover the impact of labels, the importance of peer interactions, and the role of behavior without judgment as Dr. Laura Anderson and her guest, Patrick Martin, explore these ideas and more in this week's conversation of The Real World Parenting Podcast.Patrick C. Martin, PsyD, MA, MACP, LMHC is a clinician in Seattle, Washington whose training includes a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, a two-year post-doctoral fellowship in Clinical Psychology and Forensic Psychology, a year-long Certificate in Advanced Training in Affirmative Therapy for Transgender Communities through Widener University. He is currently completing a two-year Neuropsychology Specialization program. He is licensed in Washington state under his Master’s License and enjoys working with children and adolescents who are gender expansive Once he is licensed as a Psychologist he looks forward to providing Neuropsychological and Forensic evaluations and continuing to provide care for children, adolescents, and the LGBTQIA community. He lives in Seattle Washington with his dog and enjoys spending time with his friends and colleagues. What You Will Learn:
  • Labels can provide relief
  • Labels don't define you, it is just one component of many
  • If we don't learn these skills when we're kids then it is incumbent upon us to learn and unlearn as adults
  • How this may affect cortisol levels
  • Understanding that minority stress and being picked on for being different impacts children in many ways
  • Peer interactions are critical to functioning both short and long term
  • Maintaining connection with your kiddo


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05/05/2023
Is There Ever An Okay Time to Celebrate Adoption? When Do Adoptive Parents Get To Say Yay?
This week's episode explores the complexity of celebration and adoption. Are there things to celebrate in adoption? Absolutely, but in order to celebrate, adoptive parents must also hold a space for the loss their child feels. Adoption is a shaping event in people's lives that plays a role in the attachment, self esteem, and elements woven throughout a lifetime. Join Dr. Laura Anderson as she shares the patterns that come up in adoptive families and how to celebrate intentionally.What You Will Learn:
  • Do not wait for your child to start the conversation, find age appropriate ways to talk to your child about adoption - truthfully and sensitively
  • How public are you making this information about adoption?
  • How to celebrate anniversaries
  • Find adoptee voices
Resources:https://pactadopt.orghttps://www.angelatucker.com

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04/21/2023
Exploring Whiteness, Anti-Racism, and Parenting Interracially Adopted Teens with Beth Wheeler

Back by popular demand, Beth Wheeler: psychotherapist, educator, networker, and advocate who works to promote equity and inclusion with diverse populations in all areas of her work. Beth's first time on the Real World Parenting podcast is the most listened to episode of the show, so we wanted to further these vital conversations about whiteness, anti-racism, and parenting interracially adopted teensIf you haven't listened to our first conversation, you can listen hereSo much of adoption is about a confusing identity of frequently asking “where is home?” amidst unknowns of who you are. At a time where everybody is searching and trying to understand who they are, identity questions become more profound especially in children with intersecting identities. This week, Dr. Laura and Beth discuss how having adolescent children changes or highlights the way your whiteness shows up in your parenting and navigating children growing into teens and being perceived differently.What You Will Learn:

  • Stay curious and find community

  • Listen to & believe your children

  • How conversations change from when they were younger

  • How ingroup & outgroup communication differs

  • Our kids can teach us too

Resources:https://www.linkedin.com/in/beth-wheeler-aa0b5ba/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/beth-wheeler-silver-spring-md/445743



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04/07/2023
The Brain Behavior Connection
All behavior comes from the brain. I used to think that was reductionist. But in this episode we talk about trauma, attachment loss, the brain and the connection between these things and behavior. If we don't understand trauma and brain science, many children and parents experience blame, shame and failure. In reality, many trauma responses and challenging behaviors are a sign of growth.Superheroes are born from adversity. Villain stories are often similar, but with no safety provided along the way. The more we understand our brains and our children's brains, the more we can help them to grow into the super humans they are capable of becoming.This week, Dr. Laura Anderson brings on Jessica Sinarski, LPCMH to share tips for parents to use to help both themselves and their children work through the hard stuff. You have to believe there is hope in this approach to try it, and you have to try this approach to believe it.Jessica's superpower is making brain science accessible and entertaining for children and adults alike. She is living this out as a licensed mental health counselor & supervisor, bilingual author, and dynamic presenter. Since she loathes the dry, adult language found in many “therapy books,” she crafted the RILEY THE BRAVE series to be books that children and parents can’t wait to read and re-read.What You Will Learn:
  • Why it is important to BOTH Celebrate the courage of survival AND celebrate learning to trust
  • Why it is important to understand the upstairs downstairs brain, and tips for staying regulated so you can build a staircase between the two sections
  • How we can help parents wrap their minds around why brain science matters, and how to our kids about it.
  • Key concepts for parents to help their children stay regulated
Resources:www.RileyTheBrave.orghttps://bravebrains.com

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03/24/2023
Autism In Girls with Marcia Eckerd

Recognizing autism in girls can be tricky. Experience in offices and schools tells us that young girls with an autism diagnosis may present with a different profile than boys with an autism diagnosis. This week Dr. Laura invites Marcia Eckerd for a conversation on what confuses parents & clinicians about what autism may look like in girls, and how related behaviors are often misunderstood. This episode highlights the harm that can be done when girls do not get the support and understanding that they need.

Marcia diagnoses and helps autistic individuals with self acceptance as neurodivergent, as well as help them navigate achieving their goals. She has worked with autistic individuals as a licensed psychologist for 30 years. In Marcia's therapy, evaluations, writing, speaking and advocacy I seek to improve the understanding, inclusion and respect for those who are autistic. She was appointed to the CT ASD Advisory Council and serves on the Clinical Advisory Group of the Asperger’s Autism Network (AANE.org), a nationally recognized resource for autism services and education. She is also on the Board of Directors of NeuroClastic.org, an autistic nonprofit that provides education, opportunities, and resources for autistic individuals.

What You Will Learn:

  • Autism in girls and boys looks different

  • 1 in 44 kids are autistic, according to the CDC

  • What is helpful and not helpful about having a label of autism

  • Why the idea of ableism can be harmful

  • What to look for if you think your daughter may have an autism diagnosis

Resources:https://www.marciaeckerd.comPsychology Today: Are we giving autistic children PTSD in school

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/everyday-neurodiversity/202108/are-we-giving-autistic-children-ptsd-school?amp

Journal of National Register of Psychology: Identifying Autism Spectrum Disorder (Level 1) In Adults Detection and Diagnosis Of Autism In Females



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03/10/2023
Cyber Safety Tools and the Epidemic of Child Exploitation Online with Jen Hoey

Conversations like these save lives. This week, Dr. Laura Anderson invites Jen Hoey to talk about internet safety and to share the experience that launched her into this line of work. This can happen to anyone -- Jen was vigilant in her internet monitoring, and yet her child still found herself in the process of being groomed online. Dr. Laura and Jen dive into the conversations you need to be having, spotting warning signs, and beginning the process of healing.

Jen is a Parent Cyber Safety Consultant and Founder of ‘Not My Kid’. Her mission is to preserve childhood and keep all children safe from online child exploitation by empowering their parents through education. She is a mum of three children and has navigated some negative experiences with her older kids online — the most challenging being her daughter’s exposure to a predator via an online game when she was 9 years old. This provided her with personal insight into some of the challenges both children and parents face today. Jen's passion and primary focus is fighting the epidemic of child exploitation online.

What You Will Learn:

  • Something so simple can really destroy a child

  • How to talk to your child to foster open communication about online safety

  • How to unpack the idea of safe and unsafe secrets

  • Preparing children to understand warning signs of danger

  • Remind them that you will help them, so they don't stay silent out of fear

  • The benefit of having a code word

  • Setting up a safety team of trusted adults your child can speak to

Resources:

Website: https://www.notmykid.com.au/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/notmykidever

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notmykid_ever/



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02/24/2023
Grief Series Part 2: Supporting Bereaved Children with Michele Benyo

In part 2 of Dr. Laura Anderson's grief series, she invites Michele Benyo to discuss how to support kids who have had a sibling die during childhood.

Little ones grieve differently and that grief moves with them through life. It is important to recognize that the way we explain grief to kids and the messages we give them can result in an unhealthy grieving process. Parents can benefit from understanding that grief isn't this thing to avoid. Dr. Laura and Michele share ways to approach these difficult subjects and big feelings with children.

Michele Benyo helps families heal and live forward with grief after the death of their child. With the Good Grief Parenting Approach parents get in touch with their parenting wisdom so they can be confident that they are helping their bereaved young child grieve well and can be hopeful about a future for their family bright with possibilities and even joy.

What You Will Learn:

  • Recognizing how little ones grieve and how a sibling loss affects them

  • Grief is good

  • Tell your child when you're missing this person, open that conversation

  • What children need is information, true and child appropriate - honest information

  • Kids have big feelings that need to be acknowledged

  • Sometimes you can't make them feel better - they need to understand that you can go through the emotion together even if there is no way to make the big feelings go away

  • Modeling how to take care our ourselves - empowering agency

  • Notice the way we talk about death

  • Making sure they understand this isn't the their fault

  • Specific tips for how to support kids and talk them through grief of any kind

Resources:

www.goodgriefparenting.com



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02/10/2023
Grief Series 1: Supporting Bereaved Parents with Heidi Low

Grief is a topic people don't want to talk about or think about because the death of a child is unthinkable. Parents who are grieving often struggle connecting with others in their time of need as people are afraid to have these conversations. Dr. Laura Anderson invites Heidi Low onto the podcast today to create a space for aunts, friends, clinicians, and those surrounding people who have experienced unthinkable loss and how they can support parents.

Heidi Low is the founder of ‘Ohana Oasis, a nonprofit organization whose mission is to empower bereaved parents to live a life of joy and purpose. She began the organization in 2013, nine years after the death of her daughter, Alison Belle, to a brain tumor at the age of five.

What You Will Learn:

  • Operating from a place of fear is not helpful

  • It is better to say the wrong thing than to say nothing at all

  • Stop and think about what you're saying and how it would land if you were in this position

  • Don't make the parent do the work

  • Scripts for what to say when



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01/27/2023
Growing up Through The Lens of Intersecting Identities

On this journey, when children open up it is important to remember that this is also hard for them. It is so important to be with your child and support them in an empathetic way versus heading straight to problem solving. Just saying 'we're in this together' can make a huge impact. This week, Dr. Laura Anderson brings on Amir Yassai, who grew up as a child of many intersecting identities. He shares how his experiences shaped who he is as an adult and how people's perceptions can be harmful, even if they're not with ill intent.

Amir Yassai is a queer Muslim unicorn who won’t shy away from any conversation. Comedy is at the center of everything he does. He actively battles against racism, transphobia, and body shaming in the queer community. Amir is an internet personality under the name Amir Yass known for his humor, vulnerability, and sociopolitical takes.

What You Will Learn:

  • Emphasis on empathy versus problem solving

  • Instead of looking to make the process smoother, walk with and be present

  • Recognizing microaggressions and being mindful not to assume based on stereotypes -- even if it may seem like a positive assumption, it can be harmful

  • Alittle sensitivity goes a long way

  • How do we see someone's identity without centering it as entirely who they are

Resources:

http://amiryass.com/

https://instagram.com/amiryassofficial?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

https://www.tiktok.com/@amiryassofficial?_t=8ZMguhPETf8&_r=1



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01/14/2023
Comprehensive Support In A Child's Gender Journey

https://drlsanderson.thinkific.com

Starting January 24th, Dr. Laura's Gender Journey Courses will be available for purchase: 7 courses packaged in 3 different bundles to best fit your child and family's needs. These courses are designed for parents, but clinicians will find a lot of value in each module.

The information in this space can be overwhelming, confusing, and hard to navigate through the weeds. Dr. Laura has outlined a careful and expansive conversation in a caring, educational, and collaborative format. If you have any questions or concerns on whether this course is right for you, please reach out: contact@drlauraanderson.com

Parents and children need to be met where they are when any decision is being made. Dr. Laura aims to help parents feel equipped and empowered to show up for their kids who need support, advocacy, understanding, and love. Each bundle covers common myths and how to debunk them, definitions, information about child development, and a deeper dive into what to say when...

Ultimately these courses help folks know what to look for, what to expect, and practical takeaways with interactive downloads for further learning and support



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12/16/2022
Revolutionize Schools To Help Alternative Learners Thrive with Kristine Altwies, MA/LMFT

This episode offers tips for parents of kids who have big attachment loss and discusses the way that impacts their schooling.

Families often feel misunderstood and unsupported by their school even when administrators have the best intentions. The current one-size fits all curriculum ends up being counterproductive for most of these children who better learn through other methods. Many children leave schooling feeling low self-confidence from not being able to thrive in the systems at hand. It's not that they can't do school, but that standardized learning does not work for them. It is important to instill in children that they are not the problem. This week's guest, Kristine Altwies, MA/LMFT, aims to revolutionize schools and offer tools for parents to use in supporting their children in the places they need it most.

For many years Kristine Altwies worked in adoption as the Executive Director/CEO of Hawai’i International Child Placement and Family Services, Inc. (HIC) and coordinated adoptions around the globe. On that journey she has worked with children and families as a parent trainer, therapist and coach. She also has experiece working as a secondary education teacher (public and private schools). Kristine believes every person is born perfect, and the challenges we experience along the way come at the hands of others, managed with greater or lesser success in our own hearts, minds and bodies.

What You Will Learn:

  • What trauma does to the brain.

  • How do we work with the system that is and how we can revolutionize the system to better help children moving forward.

  • Know the laws.

  • Own being the difficult parent. You have to be willing to be pushy.

  • Language to stay away from.

Resources:

Waldorf Education

A Family Tree - http://www.afamilytree.org/

Pono Roots Counseling Center - www.ponoroots.org



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12/02/2022
What Gets In The Way of White People Doing Anti-Racism Work with Beth Wheeler

Dr. Laura Anderson brings on Beth Wheeler for a long overdue conversation. The two join together in discussing whiteness and the anti-racist work that we, as White people, need to be doing. Dr. Laura and Beth identify the common roadblocks people face in their anti-racist work and what keeps White people from speaking up. This episode will give you the tools you need to move forward on your own so that the burden doesn't fall upon People of Color.

Dr. Laura and Beth offer specific strategies for staying in the work even when it is uncomfortable, and hope today will help you in your journey.

Beth Wheeler (she/her/hers) is a psychotherapist, educator, networker, and advocate who works to promote equity and inclusion with diverse populations in all areas of her work. A Clinical Social Worker trained also in bodywork, Beth’s understanding of trauma and resilience inform both her private practice with adults and her Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Belonging work in organizations. Beth identifies as a white, cis-gender, queer/lesbian, middle-class, able-bodied woman. She is also co-raising her two black domestically adopted sons (15 and 12), with her ex-wife.

What You Will Learn:

  • What it means to be White and how that shapes the way we think about race and racism

  • Which feelings keep White people from working to be anti-racist and what we can do about them

  • How White people can support other White people in doing the work

  • How we define White supremacy, and why language matters

  • When to ask for help if you are a White person raising children of color

Resources:

Beth Wheeler

https://www.linkedin.com/in/beth-wheeler-aa0b5ba/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/beth-wheeler-silver-spring-md/445743

Janet Helms

https://www.apa.org/members/content/race-mechanisms-inequality

SURJ Showing up to Racial Justice

https://surj.org



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11/18/2022
Navigating Holidays With Your Adoptive Family Featuring Mike Berry

With the holiday season in full gear, you may notice a spotlight on shifting expectations and dysregulated behaviors. This time can be a reminder of loss, grief and the complex mixed feelings for many adoptees. Dr. Laura Anderson brings on Mike Berry to share tools you can use to navigate this stressful time of year.

Mike Berry is the Co-CEO and Co-Founder of Honestly Adoption, a virtual support, resource, and training site for foster and adoptive families. The Honestly Adoption Company is fiercely committed to helping parents gain insight into their child, change their parenting approach, and in turn, transform their family. They believe strongly in highlighting and spotlighting voices from the entire adoption triad. Mike and his wife Kristen have built this amazing network that has been voted in the Top 5 out of 100 best adoption blogs on earth 5 years in a row by Healthline.com and Feedspot.

What You Will Learn:

  • Become aware that this may be a difficult season for your child

  • Continue to look beneath behaviors for feelings driving behavior

  • To notice your own expectations and how those impact family regulation

  • Be mindful of overstimulation

  • How trauma history can dictate your child's behavior

  • Soothing and regulation tools for the holiday time

Resources: https://honestlyadoption.com

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/honestly-adoption-mike-berry/1129825395

https://www.facebook.com/honestlyadoption/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mikeberrywriting/



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11/04/2022
Spotting Signs of Self Injury and How To Help Your Child

If you notice signs of self-injury in your teen, this episode is an invitation not to look the other way and hope it goes away- but to understand that it needs to be explored. This is not meant to replace reaching out for help. If your child is harming themselves, it is important to get help.

There is no one formula for what this behavior looks like, but Dr. Laura talks through various signs to look out for, language to use when talking to your child, and how you can help kids identify and cope with intense feelings.

What You Will Learn:

  • Not all harm is para-s*icidal

  • Self-injury can stem from one of a combination of depression, anxiety, and stress

  • All bodies deserve care

  • What is the process if you have noticed signs of self-injury

Resources:

https://apps.apple.com/ca/app/calm-harm/id961611581



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10/22/2022
Protecting Kids From Sexual Content Online and Having Hard Conversations with Amy Lang

As a parent, it is your resonsibility to provide your child with the skills to understand and make good decisions about their body and sex. Kids should start learning about their bodies at as young as 5 years old. These conversations may be daunting, but it is important to push through the discomfort to keep your child safe. Expert Amy Lang joins the Real World Parenting podcast this week to provide tips and scripts for parents to use in educating their kiddo about sexual health.

Amy Lang, MA has been a sexual health educator for over 25 years. Surprised by her discomfort with just the idea of talking with her young son about his body, she knew she needed help. Amy did a bunch of research to learn how to talk with kids about bodies and sexuality and realized she could help other parents with this important part of parenting. In 2006 she started Birds & Bees & Kids. With her lively, engaging, and down-to-earth style she helps parents become comfortable and confident talking with their kids. Amy’s books, online solutions center, and podcast called “Just Say This”,show parents they really can become their kids' go-to birds and bees source.

What You Will Learn:

  • When should you start the conversation on sexual health with your child

  • What should you start with? What to say and how to say it.

  • Push through the discomfort

  • Showing your children what a healthy relationship looks like

  • Avoiding language that leads to shame

Resources:

www.birdsandbeesandkids.com

15% discount for The Birds and Bees Solutions Center for Parents Purchase Amy’s new book, “Sex Talks With Tweens - What to Say & How to Say It!”



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10/07/2022
Talking To Your Child About Learning Assessments and Their Results with Liz Angoff, Ph.D.

Lots of folks are seeking assessments to help the family understand the way their child learns and to maximize how rewarding schooling is. We often think more about how to convey your child's needs to professionals at school, but talking to children about it can go overlooked. Children always have a sense that something is different for them, and if we don't talk to them they start to develop their own narratives about what's going on. Those narratives are often very negative and can be harmful following them into adulthood. Beginning the conversation early with your child will help them with their self esteem and identity. This week, DR. Laura Anderson invites Dr. Liz Angoff for a conversation on understanding learning profiles and helping children understand how their brains work.

Liz Angoff, Ph.D., is a Licensed Educational Psychologist with a Diplomate in School Neuropsychology, providing assessment and consultation services to children and their families in the Bay Area, CA. She is the author of the Brain Building Books, tools for engaging children in understanding their learning and developmental differences as part of the assessment process.

What You Will Learn:

  • Is there a predictable pattern in how kids learn?

  • Tools for getting started in your child's assessment

  • How can parents prepare for the assessment process?

  • Helping your child grow to advocate with confidence

  • Finding the language your child uses to explain their experiences so you can meet your child where they're at and solving the problem they want to solve

Resources:

www.BrainBuildingBook.com



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09/23/2022
Supporting African American Kids in Predominantly White Communities with Marcie Alvis Walker

Marcie Alvis Walker joins Dr. Laura Anderson on today's podcast. She shares how her cultural experience being raised in a black family within an all white community left her unprepared to navigate raising an African American child in today's world. From there, she has taken the steps to navigate tricky situations and educate others within that space.

Marcie Alvis-Walker is a writer based in Chicago, IL. She is the curator of the popular Instagram handle @blackcoffeewithwhitefriends, which focuses on race, theology, and current events with a corresponding blog of the same name. She is also the writer and creator of Black-Eyed Bible Stories, a Substack newsletter and podcast focused on Black Womanist readings of the Bible. Her goal in life is “to be the voice of my unheard ancestors by creating a written archive of the Black stories for my child and for future generations of children.” She is passionate about what it means to embrace intersectionality, diversity and inclusion in our daily lives.

What You Will Learn:

  • Find out the history of where you live

  • Seek professionals of color

  • Challenge your school board

  • Racism doesn't only hurt people of color, it hurts society at large



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09/08/2022
Navigating The Next Phase of Covid in Schools with Aimee Buckley

This episode focuses on learning preparedness as we navigate the next phase of covid in schools. Our kids are not used to what the everyday classroom environment looks like without the safety protocols. It has been a couple years and in a kid's world, that is a long time. Dr. Laura Anderson Invites on full time teacher, Aimee Buckley, to share her tools so your child can thrive in the classroom.

Aimee is an experienced Special Education Teacher with a demonstrated history of success working in education. She is skilled in Coaching, Leadership, Training, and Research. In addition to being a full time teacher, Aimee is the CEO + CAO of Study Help Inc. a tutoring platform that connects credential teachers with families looking for extra academic help. Study Help is the only tutoring service powered by experienced school teachers.

What Your Will Learn:

  • The importance of keeping open lines of communication with your child's teacher

  • How to set parameters around phone time

  • How the increased use of technology has impacted children in the classroom

  • What questions should parents ask their kids and the schools during this time

Resources:

https://study.help



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08/26/2022
Understanding Your Child's Sensory System with Jessica Sinarski

The brain gets its info from inside, outside, and all places in between. The most common conversation is of the 5 external facing senses, but what is often overlooked are the internal senses: vestibular, proprioception, and interoception. This episode looks at parenting from a brain based perspective and covers what parents need to know to lead to greater regulation in their homes. Dr. Laura Anderson invites Jessica Sinarski, LPCMH back to the Real World Parenting podcast for a conversation on sensory integration and the connection between the sensory system, brain, heart bodies, behavior, and connection in family.

Jessica Sinarski is a highly sought-after therapist, speaker, and change-maker. Extensive post-graduate training and 15+ years as a clinician and educator led her to create the resource and training platform–BraveBrains. She makes brain science practical, helping parents and professionals become healers for hurting children. She is the author of the award-winning Riley the Brave series, Hello, Anger, and more.

What You Will Learn:

  • Sensory systems that need more or less do not make you weak. It's just how you're wired and it makes life rich.

  • Reasons to reroute your energy into developing your kid's language around sensory feelings

  • How you can work with your child to help them learn to regulate

  • Proactive steps to take to regulate your child's sensory system

  • Tips to navigate the shame and guilt that comes with sensory dysregulation

Resources:

www.rileythebrave.org/senses

https://bravebrains.com



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08/12/2022
Is Adoption Trauma Defining? with Simon Benn

This episode poses the question of how central is the adoptee identity to human identity? Are children's struggles adoption related or human related? Dr. Laura Anderson invites guest Simon Benn for a conversation around the lifelong impact of trauma.

Simon Benn was adopted at 5 weeks old and has known this his whole life. It wasn't until 40 years old when he found out that his teddy bear was a gift from his birth mother that he started feeling intense anger about being unloved and not good enough. Simon turned to personal development to find happiness and eventually sold his publishing business to help others. He now is the author of a children's activity book series, Jack Cherry and The Juicer, to share the secret to happiness with children.

What You Will Learn:

  • Trauma is thoughts and feelings, not identity

  • All of your relationships with others start within yourself

  • Feeling wounded does not mean we are wounded

  • This too shall pass

Resources:

https://www.simonbenn.co.uk/



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07/29/2022
From a Pile of Puppies to Too Cool For School: Parenting Tweens with Dr. Annie Chung

This week's episode focuses on the period of development in children from ages 11 to 14: the tween years. During this age, the human brain goes through as much growth and change as it does between 0 and 3. Children start exploring their new feelings of independence and begin to clarify distinct aspects of who they are, and will become. This week Dr. Laura Anderson is excited to bring on a really talented clinician and dear friend, Dr. Annie Chung. Dr. Chung has more than twenty years' experience working primarily with tweens. The two talk about the concept of an emotional piggy bank, setting a framework for your child, and how to stay positive when going through challenges and periods of high emotion.

Dr. Annie Chung is a Hawaii Licensed Psychologist with over 20 years of experience. Her specialty lies in promoting healthy parental/family/adolescent functioning and focus on women's issues utilizing patient-centered and solution-focused approaches in psychotherapy.

What You Will Learn:

  • Children need their parents "less", but also differently

  • How to make deposits to your child's emotional piggy bank based on who they are instead of their accomplishments

  • Separation is healthy to help your child learn values, problem solving, and life skills

  • Understand the brain and body are changing rapidly

  • Practice active listening

  • Remember that they need boundaries even when they tell you they don't

  • Ask open-ended questions

  • Build a bridge to them.. keep crossing back and forth and invite them to do the same



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07/15/2022
Parenting Different From How You Were Parented with Erica Orosco Cruz

First time parents are faced with the obstacle of navigating not only what parenting styles work for them and their child, but also the feedback they receive from their parents and peers. Often, parents will find themselves actively straying from the path their parents took. It is easy to revert back to what you know even if you have the intention of breaking the cycle. This week, Dr. Laura Anderson invites guest Erica Cruz to the Real World Parenting podcast to share her experience raising her children in a different way from how she was parented and the tools she used to keep herself on course. her perspective using the Waldorf and RIE methods. Dr. Laura and Erica discuss the Waldorf and RIE methods, finding and staying true to your values in parenting, and being mindful of the pendulum swing.

Erica Orosco Cruz is an early childhood development expert and parent coach who helps children, families, and teachers thrive and grow together on the foundation of mutual respect. She is certified through RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers) and is also trained in the Waldorf methods. Erica’s passion for supporting families stems from her own experience as a mother of 4 boys (ranging in ages from 1 to 25!), and a daughter who set out to parent in a different way than she was as a child. While raising her children, she searched to find a program that brought children to the forefront while also providing clear boundaries for mutual respect; a program where children would be seen and heard and where adults would see with new eyes and listen for what was unsaid. When she realized what she was looking for didn’t exist, she founded Homeschool Garden, a now two decade old early childhood development center in Los Angeles.

What You Will Learn:

  • How to navigate when the way you are parenting is different from how you were parented and how to stand confidently in that (while also being flexible)

  • How to navigate when the way you are parenting is different from your cultural/ethnic norms

  • Finding a middle ground that works for you and your children

  • What are the Waldorf and RIE methods

  • Finding the "sweet spot" of setting boundaries, but also allowing your kids agency

  • The arts are as important as reading and writing

  • The importance of staying the course in the presence of overwhelming feedback

  • Modeling behaviors and respect



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07/01/2022
Key Elements in Creating Safe Spaces for LGBTQ+ youth and their families with Philip Steinbacher

We are currently living in a time in history where we as a society are talking and learning about sexuality and gender identity. People are understandably confused- and it is as important as ever to create safe spaces for LGBTQ+ youth and their families. Children growing up discovering their sexuality often feel alone in not knowing others who feel the same as they do and feel the pressure of cultural shame. This week's guest is Philip Steinbacher, who shares a variety of small changes that can make a world's difference to children. Philip shares his experience growing up as a gay cisgender male and how it has impacted how he approaches teaching. He has encouraged the staff to create a more welcoming environment and fostered a safe space within a Gay Straight Alliance (GSA) club for both LGBTQ+ students and allies to channel their energy in a productive way.

Professionally, Philip Steinbacher has performed as an entertainer at Walt Disney World and been an educator in public and private schools in Florida, North Carolina, Illinois, and Hawai‘i. He holds a BA in Music and an MA in Elementary Education. Philip is the author of two books, Quotation Quizzlers and Vocabulary Ladders, and has an additional title being released this fall. He is the editor of Garden Island Tea, a digital newsletter spilling the tea about events, opportunities, and news for the Kaua'i LGBTQ+ community. So much for the formal résumé. Currently, Philip prefers to say he is a music lover, bibliophile, impresario, cyclist, pianist, hubby, guncle, friend, author, and dog daddy who appreciates fun clothes and really digs disco balls. He lives on the island of Kaua‘i with his husband Jason and their dog Lucky.

What You Will Learn:

  • What are some small changes you can make so children feel comfortable?

  • Even allies with good intentions need to work on their approach sometimes

  • If we force communication and LGBTQ+ stereotypes, we are going to receive a negative reaction

  • How can parents make an impact in the safe space opportunities within school?



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06/17/2022
Strategies for LGBTQ+ Inclusivity In Schools with Cath Brew

This week's episode is all about gender in schools. Any child who is going through a gender journey will need a support system in school. There is an understanding that we need to become inclusive, but many people don't know what that means on a practical level and what comes next. Dr. Laura Anderson brings on guest Cath Brew to help highlight what needs to be different or recognized at school for your child to feel safe, seen, and supported in their two primary environments of home and school.

Cath is an artist who educates and illustrates about marginalised experiences for positive change - with a focus on identity, belonging and expat life. She works with international schools on whole-school LGBTQ+ inclusion together with empowering LGBTQ+ students to be proud. Cath hosts Talk-Back Tuesday: a weekly LGBTQ chat on social media, whilst her podcast ‘Drawn to a Deeper Story’, explores the ‘lives that challenge us and the difficult conversations around them’. Cath also runs 'Crock-of-shit-free' Spiritual Guidance - she helps clients to find inner peace and heal from emotional wounds including ancestral trauma, limiting beliefs, difficult relationships and other internal struggles. Her illustrations can be found on a range of gifts in the Drawn to a Story online shop.

What You Will Learn:

  • The importance of understand the difference of sex and gender

  • It is important to be thorough in changing paperwork needed to reflect your child's new identity

  • Planning discussions with your child on if they want to tell the school about their new identity and how they'd feel comfortable doing so

  • Teaching your child how they can reclaim language and reframe their mindset on certain words

  • Understanding the possibility that your child may come out at school prior to coming out at home

Resources:

Web: www.drawntoastory.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drawntoastory

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrawntoaStory



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06/02/2022
Guiding Your Child Through Their Fears Of Random School Based Violence

Today's conversation is in response to the recent acts of gun violence in the United States, specifically the Robb Elementary School shooting in Uvalde, Texas. Entire communities are left on edge following last week's horrific shooting. It is important to help children feel safe in the face of unfathomable danger. Sadly, the need for these conversations is increasing and these conversations are often difficult for parents and kids alike. Dr. Laura Anderson provides step by step scripts for how to talk to kids about the potential of violence in school, how to manage their fears, and how to approach conversation about events out of our control. Step By Step Plan

What You Will Learn:

  • How to prepare for tough conversations

  • Language that is especially helpful in these situations

  • Step by step scripts for conversations with your child

  • Healthy coping strategies for you and your child

  • Next steps to continue healthy habits beyond the initial conversation

For a detailed outline of this process, head to https://www.drlauraanderson.com/real-world-parenting-podcast/ep28-school-based-violence



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05/20/2022
Dealing With The Grief Of Ambiguous Loss with Lisette Lahana

This week's episode aims to normalize the idea of the loss of your kid not being who you imagined who they would be. This is a universal experience for parents as most kids, once they start developing their own identities, start to have interests and hobbies that may not align with what you'd imagined for them. Dr. Laura Anderson brings on Lisette Lahana, LCSW to share her expertise in how grief affects families who raise a gender expansive child.

Lisette Lahana is a licensed clinical social worker with Bachelor degrees in Critical Gender Studies and Psychology and a Masters of Social Work from Smith College. Her extensive experience providing gender affirming care to transgender, non binary, intersex, those questioning and people who are re-transitioning spans over 23 years. She is a certified member and mentor with World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) since 2002. Lisette has a full-time psychotherapy practice where she works individually with clients of all ages with a primary focus on gender.

What You Will Learn:

  • How grief can be affirming of a gender expansive child and how it can get in the way

  • You can grieve aspects of a child’s gender journey without grieving who they are

  • It's okay to let your child know you're struggling ( including do’s and don’ts for how to share that)

  • The two types of ambiguous loss

  • When you find ways to grieve the loss of your own expectations, you make room to celebrate your child

Resources:

https://www.lisettelahana.com/



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05/06/2022
Keep Your Knees Bent and Love Without Fear with Eden Atwood

If we haven't done our internal work to understand our implicit bias, we could be protecting our client from something integral to their identity. The more shame and secrecy we have the more we undercut our children's opportunity to be prepared. This week's episode dives into how you can provide the space for your child to flourish. All human beings have a right to bodily autonomy and self determination.

Dr. Laura Anderson brings on guest Eden Atwood for the conversation. Eden opens up about her story in learning about her intersex diagnosis, discussing medical trauma, and offers parenting tools to work through your fears.

Eden Atwood is a parent and social worker who is currently in private practice. Atwood has been an outspoken advocate and activist for children born with differences of sex development and co-founded the online intersex awareness-raising website, The Interface Project.

What You Will Learn:

  • Leading with fear doesn't do anything positive

  • Community is key

  • Fostering a sense of bodily autonomy

  • Sheep, shepherd, and pasture metaphor

  • Keep your knees bent

Resources:

https://www.interfaceproject.org

https://edenatwoodlcsw.com



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04/22/2022
Parenting: From My Child's Perspective

This week's guest is one of Dr. Laura Anderson's favorite people in the whole world: her 13-year-old son. The two share an open and honest conversation through the lens of a therapist parent and child relationship. He candidly shares some of his favorite parts of having a therapist parent and offers some suggestions for ways to get through to your child.

What You Will Learn:

  • How parenting lands on your kid from a child's perspective

  • How to communicate more effectively with your kid

  • Reasons to ask for impromptu feedback

  • The importance of staying regulated as a parent to provide for your child



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04/08/2022
The Cost of Politicizing Gender with Rhodes Perry

In a study presented by The Trevor Project, 85% of trans and nobinary youth have mentioned that the recent debates about their lived experience has negatively impacted their mental health. It is important to know and take into consideration that parents are making decisions for their children in a time where systems are displaying conflicting messages. For families raising LGBTQ+ children, political decisions can have major personal impacts. This week's conversation addresses the current political climate and conversations surrounding LGBTQ+ journeys, parents' concerns, and aims to normalize the LGBTQ+ experience.

Dr. Laura Anderson brings on this week's guest Rhodes Perry to share his expertise and perspectives of being a trans person. Rhodes Perry is an award winning social entrepreneur, sought after speaker, podcast host, and a nationally recognized LGBTQ+ thought leader.

What you will learn:

  • Each of us establishes a gender identity and sexual orientation

  • The importance of developing an antenna to find spaces that are safe

  • Ways that cigender and straight people can use their privilege to say no to the negative narrative

  • Adults can bear the brunt of the learning and discomfort so that kids don't have to

  • There is hope!- from the perspective of a happy, healthy transgender adult

Resources:



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03/25/2022
A Conversation About Gender Identity Part 2

Gender identity is a complex web, and the world of gender is a beautiful place to learn to expand your own limitations and automatic thinking. Join Dr. Laura for part 2 of this conversation where she dives deeper into gender, kids, and pronouns.

The likelihood of raising a child who is gender expansive is the same as raising a child who is left handed. Children need to be able to explore themselves and their gender, regardless of how they identify themselves. The safest thing you can do is to learn with them. In this episode, Dr. Laura shares tools for parents to create a safe space for their children that allows them to explore their identity.

What You Will Learn?

  • How to build trust between you and your child so they feel safe

  • Dealing with your fear of the unknown challenges ahead

  • You can not create a gender expansive identity in a child who is not on the spectrum as it were

  • Your child needs you in this journey



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03/11/2022
A Conversation About Gender Identity Part 1

Gender identity is a complex web, and the world of gender is a beautiful place to learn to expand your own limitations and automatic thinking. For parents and others trying to learn how to best support children, there is a tremendous amount of misinformation circulating about gender identity and kids and teens. Join me for a careful thoughtful exploration of this important topic.

A big piece of our job as parents is to teach our children to tune into their intuition and stand strong in who they are. Yet, often parent's struggle with navigating parenting a child exploring their gender identity. Dr. Anderson invites you to consider that you are not the brakes or the accelerator in your child's gender exploration. If you are a parent new to this journey, each child's experience is different. The key piece is centering your child, establishing a common language, and continuing to be open to learning.

In this episode, Dr. Laura offers a parent's view of how gender identity works, what to do, what not to do, and who to turn to for help when your child is exploring their identity. Tune in next week for Part 2, which includes scripts for what to say if your child comes to you with questions about their gender.

What You Will Learn?

  • What is gender identity?

  • What does the term non-binary mean?

  • The importance of battling misinformation so parents are well-informed objectively

  • Clarifying the different between sexual orientation and gender identity



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02/25/2022
Learning To Let Go Of The Curling Parent Lifestyle

This week Dr. Laura Anderson continues the conversation on the parental illusion of control by focusing on what is known as the curling or helicopter parent. Curling is that quirky sport in which people rush and brush the ice immediately in front of a swirling stone, in hopes of clearing its path and having it land just where you want it. Curling parenting fosters a sense of dependence within your child. This week Dr. Anderson is joined by Rashid Curtis, her long time friend and girl-dad-to-three-teens. This episode highlights higher level ways to organize your child's time and bring out the best of their interests. Instead, we'll help you transition into using intentional parenting tactics that will help your child grow into the person they have the potential to become.

Rashid is a business strategy consultant and entrepreneur. He specializes in customer and market strategy, by providing business development services to companies in the consumer products, healthcare, life sciences, media and technology industries. Rashid turned his passion for real estate into Triangle Flats, a an investor agency located in Durham, NC. The culmination of twin passions, real estate and entrepreneurship, this small firm assist people acquiring, remodeling, renting and selling investment properties in the Southeastern United States. Rashid lives in Durham, NC with his wife, three children (19, 18 and 12 year old girls) and a labradoodle named Leo.

What You Will Learn:

  • Your child needs more time with their peers and less time with their parents

  • Foster the ability for your child to learn how to tune into their emotions, their sense of being, and their sense of right from wrong

  • How to help your child trust themselves

  • When we're doing it for them they don't learn

  • The importance of finding self motivation and self interest

Resources:

http://www.linkedin.com/in/rashidcurtis



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02/11/2022
The Illusion of Control and The Importance of Self-Care in Parenting

Often the more responsibility we have the less we take care of ourselves. This week Dr. Laura Anderson brings on Dr. Rachel Mitchum Elahee. Dr. Rachel operates from the philosophy that no matter what we have going on we must take care of ourselves. Self care looks different for everyone, but this episode is all about figuring out what self care means to you and how to build these practices into your life. Come laugh and grimace with Drs. Laura and Rachel about how letting go of the illusion of control in parenting is a great way to practice self-care.

Dr. Rachel is a Licensed Psychologist, Certified Diversity Practitioner, Certified Professional Coach, and Author of Choose You! As an entrepreneur, wife and mother of four, she has developed a keen passion for supporting busy women leading busy lives. inspires women with the practical and tangible skills necessary to achieve greater life satisfaction, professional productivity and ultimately, a peace of mind. She believes that in order to excel in their careers, women must first excel in their personal lives.

What You Will Learn:

  • How the illusion of control in parenting is a huge source of stress

  • Ways to foster independence & strong skill sets in your child

  • Ideas for setting boundaries in your self care practices

  • Reminders to find an accountability partner who has your best interest at heart

  • That the most common source of pushback is from yourself

  • Tips to reignite your passion for life

Resources:

https://www.amazon.com/Choose-You-Reignite-Passion-2014-12-04/dp/B01K3RH65Q



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01/28/2022
The Brain Behavior Connection

All behavior comes from the brain. I used to think that was reductionist. But in this episode we talk about trauma, attachment loss, the brain and the connection between these things and behavior. If we don't understand trauma and brain science, many children and parents experience blame, shame and failure. In reality, many trauma responses and challenging behaviors are a sign of growth.

Superheroes are born from adversity. Villain stories are often similar, but with no safety provided along the way. The more we understand our brains and our children's brains, the more we can help them to grow into the super humans they are capable of becoming.This week, Dr. Laura Anderson brings on Jessica Sinarski, LPCMH to share tips for parents to use to help both themselves and their children work through the hard stuff. You have to believe there is hope in this approach to try it, and you have to try this approach to believe it.

Jessica's superpower is making brain science accessible and entertaining for children and adults alike. She is living this out as a licensed mental health counselor & supervisor, bilingual author, and dynamic presenter. Since she loathes the dry, adult language found in many “therapy books,” she crafted the RILEY THE BRAVE series to be books that children and parents can’t wait to read and re-read.

What You Will Learn:

  • Why it is important to BOTH Celebrate the courage of survival AND celebrate learning to trust

  • Why it is important to understand the upstairs downstairs brain, and tips for staying regulated so you can build a staircase between the two sections

  • How we can help parents wrap their minds around why brain science matters, and how to our kids about it.

  • Key concepts for parents to help their children stay regulated

Resources:

www.RileyTheBrave.org

https://bravebrains.com



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