Top 5 To Dos Before Saying "I Do"


1. DO allow yourself enough time to make one of your biggest life-altering decisions. Ask yourself why now and why with this person? You should be able to answer this in an affirming and positive way. The relationship should not be reactive to fill an empty space in your life, perhaps a past relationship, a surprise pregnancy, or the absence of family. Lots of people go into a relationship still having baggage from a previous one. If you deal with your previous relationship losses successfully, they won't come to haunt you or your future spouse later on. Also, keep in mind that opposites attract, but they are really hard to live with. The more in common you have with your spouse, the more likely the relationship will last.

2. DO discuss having children and if this is something as a couple you want to do. Also, discuss about how many children you'll plan to have and when you'll have them. What parenting practices will you adopt to raise your children? Who will stay at home or will both parties work? You should also define parenting roles as individuals and as a couple.

3. DO create a financial plan together. A lot of times people avoid talking about this, but you need to define financial goals and expectations beforehand. Don't just know how much your future spouse makes, but know the whole picture. Who will be in charge of balancing the checkbook? Will you join your accounts or will they be separate? What are your top financial goals together? People have different spending habits and different financial styles that are often influenced by family. What happens if one spouse starts spending excessively? How will this be handled? Speak with a financial planner and retain one together.

4. DO compare personal goals versus goals as a couple and the obstacles that may arise. If one party wants to move to California for a job promotion and the other desires to live near family in Florida, that's something to discuss now. How will you as a couple make life-altering decisions on which you may not agree? Surely, not all your goals will match that of your partner, but there needs to be decision-making beforehand on how to handle these differences. If one party longs to have children shortly after marrying, while the other wants to wait to start a family and hopes to attend graduate school, this could create tension in the marriage and lead down the road to separation or divorce.

5. DO decide on how to handle disputes. Conflict will arise in any relationship; it's a normal indicator of self expression and thought. Deciding on how to handle conflict will prevent big disputes and arguments that might be detrimental to the relationship. Decide ahead of time the rules for arguing and the limits. Set rules involving communication like no "walk always" or "put downs". This will allow you and your future spouse to effectively handle conflict when it arises, and surely it will. Also, agree to not let the little things get too big.

For more information on Rosen Divorce, or for an interview, please contact: Alison Kramer, Director of Public Relations, Phone: 919-256-1542, Cell: 919-523-7104, akramer@rosen.com or visit: http://www.rosendivorce.com.

Jennifer Coleman is a divorce coach at Rosen Divorce and assists clients through the emotional transition that accompanies the legal process of divorce. She is a National Certified Counselor and specializes in marriage and family counseling.

ROSEN DIVORCE
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, NC 27607
http://www.rosendivorce.com
"Divorce is Different Here"

With offices in Raleigh and Charlotte, Rosen Divorce is the largest divorce firm in North Carolina. Founded in 1990, the firm is dedicated to providing individual growth and support to couples seeking divorce by helping them move forward with their lives. Our staff of attorneys, accountants, and specially trained divorce coaches expertly address the complex issues of ending a marriage. Our innovative approach acknowledges that divorce is so much more than just a legal matter. Specialties include child custody, alimony, property distribution, separation agreements, and domestic violence relief.


More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Divorce Information:

Related Articles

How to Recover From Divorce
As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many individuals, couples, and families who are affected by divorce. I have developed this list of survival strategies for people who are experiencing divorce.
There Is Life After Divorce
A married woman becomes a single woman for one of two reasons: death or divorce. The former is an honourable state, the latter is not.
Healing Dysfunctional Families
In a recent article entitled "Some Evidence On How We Are Spiritually Connected" I reported on a case study that revealed how individuals who share common traumatic memories can help each other release the trauma at a distance employing a new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM). In this article I will elaborate some of the potential applications of such a result as well as its far reaching implications.
Seven Sets of Documents You Need For Your Divorce
Even if you believe your case will ultimately be agreed to and settled without a trial, you will be in a much better position if you already have the relevant documents in your possession. Better safe than sorry.
Divorce and Separation - A Child's Perspective
It is always the children that suffer the most when a marriage breaks down and separation or divorce is imminent. Children of divorcing parents often witness arguments even rows and this has a strong effect on any child.
Four Tips to Save You Money in a Divorce Case
1. Have an Clear Written Fee AgreementMost experienced and effective divorce attorneys charge by the hour and require an advance retainer (or deposit) that is paid at the beginning of the case.
Divorce: Coping With The Family Law Process
The EmotionsDivorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for most people, particularly when there are children involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during the marriage may not be of help because those individuals may not want to "pick a side.
Joint Bank Accounts and Divorce
Here are some useful tips on joint bank accounts and divorce. If you've recently been through a divorce - or are contemplating one - you may want to look closely at issues involving joint bank accounts.
Coping With Divorce Anger
Successfully releasing your anger will help you begin healing after your divorce. Right now you may feel a great deal of rage at your ex-husband.
Reasons For Divorce; What Constitutes Viable Reasons For Thinking About Or Wanting A Divorce?
According to the Center for Disease Control's National Vital Statistics Report of 2002, 50% of first marriages ended in divorce and 60% of remarriages end in divorce. But, the Center for Disease Control also found that 96% of Americans express a personal desire for marriage, and almost three-quarters of Americans believe marriage is a life long commitment.
Does Your Sexless Marriage Have You Thinking About Divorce?
If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy because of it, don't worry, it isn't unrecoverable but it is serious cause for concern. You may even be thinking that you need a divorce because of your sexless marriage, that's only natural.
Grieving the End of Your Marriage, as You Know it
The pain of finding out that your partner is cheating on you can be the worst pain you'll feel in your entire life. What is happening to you, you may wonder.
What Are You Waiting For?
So, you've decided that you're no longer "a couple", but for whatever reason, you and your spouse have decided to stay together "for the sake of the children".Isn't that what the children need? Don't they need the strength of a two parent household in this mad society that we live in? Don't they need the emotional assurance that Mom AND Dad are together? Don't they? Or do they?When my ex and I decided to divorce, we decided that he should probably live in the house with the children and I, for their sakes.
A Time of Grief and Healing After Separation and Divorce
I thought I would never feel the light of life again when I realized that my marriage was going to end. In fact I went through a painful year of not knowing if it would end.
Should I Get Divorced? Or Not?
No one besides you can determine whether or not a divorce is right for you! But, there are some general questions which pretty much apply to everybody. Thinking about the following issues may help you answer this question for yourself!What specifically is making you think of divorce?Physical AbuseIf your spouse is violent to you and/or your kids, this is a safety issue.
Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital Affair?
Having to deal with an extramarital affair can be a life-changing event, regardless of whether you stay married or not. Inescapable feelings can come over both people who live through an extramarital affair that will never be forgotten by either of them.
Spare Your Kids To 7 Most Distressful Divorce Parenting Situations
What 7 most distressful situations to kids that divorced parents should avoid? Learn them to spare your kids from the painful consequences.1.
Contested And Uncontested Divorce
A divorce case is contested if the parties cannot agree on every one of the issues involved in their particular situation. Common areas of disagreement include, but are not limited to: grounds for divorce, custody of the children, visitation rights, division of the assets of the marriage, child support, maintenance (alimony), payment of family debts, contribution toward educational expenses (college or parochial), payment of health insurance for the dependent spouse, income tax structuring, etcWhen a divorce case is filed, it is given an identification number and is deemed by the court to be a matter that will ultimately require trial time in order to resolve all issues.
7 Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion after Divorce
Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person's life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living "out of the habit" of being married, especially if you have been married for many, many years.
Rebuilding Your Life from the Ashes
One peculiar feature of a stepfamily is that they are built on a negative foundation. A stepfamily couple comes to their new home with a full set of baggage, containing memories, wounds, and habits.