Copywriting Makeover: Making An Emotional Connection - Part 2 of 2

In part one of this article series we began looking at the Cruise Vacation Center site: a travel site whose copy was sorely lacking in emotional appeal and visual imagry. (You can see the previous version of the copy here: http://www.copywritingcourse.com/CruiseVacationCenter-Original.pdf.) In the conclusion, youll see how all the rewrite turned out and how exciting the end results have been.

The Rewrite

It took me a while to get started on this copy. Before I began writing, I wanted to really be in the mood. I played around on the vacation search feature of CVCs site and read all about some of the places I have always wanted to go. I took my time and let my imagination run wild while reading about the ports-of-call, the activities, and the ships amenities.

When people shop for vacations, they are typically interested in what theyll get first and they worry about the price second. They want to feel and sense the experience of a vacation while reading about it on a website or in a brochure. It sort of falls into the same category as copywriting for brides.

Getting married, for most people anyway, is a limited experience. Its not something you do every day. While a bride may be working on a budget, she still loves to see the $10,000 Donna Karan gowns and imagine herself in one. The same holds true for those planning a vacation.

You usually only go on one vacation/holiday a year. Thats why we dream. Its a limited experience. Something we plan for and look forward to for months on end. So, while a vacation planner may not choose to buy the king-sized, master, grand suite, all-inclusive, five-star vacation trip around the world, s/he sure has fun reading about it and imagining it. Why do you think shows like Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous are so popular?

Once Id filled my mind with everything wonderful about cruise vacations, I was ready to tackle the copy.

Keyphrase inclusion was simple on this page. There was just one keyphrase, cruise vacation. I used both the singular and plural forms throughout the text. My challenge with the SEO aspect of the copywriting was to keep the balance.

Normally, when there is just one keyphrase, there is a very high tendency by most people to ram, shove, and squeeze the phrase into every nook and cranny of the copy. I beg you resist that urge! As youll see shortly, SEO copywriting is NOT about forcing keyphrases into every possible slot.

And, of course, there was the matter of letting visitors know that they would get a better bargain and save more on their luxury cruise if they booked online.

Starting at the top, I changed the headline of:

Planning quality discount cruises for you since 1993!

to

Book Your Exotic Cruise Vacation Online and Get Rock-Bottom Prices to the Hottest Destinations

Next, I immediately began to entice the visitor with visions of what s/he could expect - from their vacation and from CVC.

Rather than talk about the company directly as the original copy did:

Dreaming of a cruise but don't want to pay full price? Cruise Vacation Center is one of the nation's largest cruise agencies.

I started the copy with this:

Just imagine youre walking along the deck of a grand cruise vessel as it gently keeps rhythm with the waves. The sun is on your shoulders and a soothing breeze wafts through your hair.

I continued to build the new copy with phrases like: wander your way through the medieval castles, stunning gardens of the Mediterranean, and oceanfront luau in Hawaii, while intermixing statements including: deep discounts, book securely online, and so on.

All the while, I was dropping reminders to book online for the biggest savings and offering explanations about why that would benefit the visitor.

The call-to-action was designed to reinforce the idea that the customer *could* get more vacation choices for their money with CVC.

You can see the end results for yourself at http://www.cruisevacationcenter.com.

The Results

Its fun to see how these makeovers turn out. What did my client have to say? The response was astonishing and immediate. Weekend sales tripled! Usually around 10 online books over the weekend. Last weekend had 30! [Also], they re-indexed and the home page moved up [two positions] for cruise vacation. It has a great lead-in on the search page, too.

Man I just love my job!

Karon Thackston © 2004

About The Author

Copy not getting results? Learn to write SEO copy that impresses the engines and your visitors at http://www.copywritingcourse.com. Be sure to also check out Karons latest e-report How To Increase Keyword Saturation (Without Destroying the Flow of Your Copy) at http://www.copywritingcourse.com/keyword.

IF PUBLISHING ON A WEBSITE, USE THIS RESOURCE BOX:

Copy not getting results? Learn to write SEO copy that impresses the engines and your visitors with The Step-by-Step Copywriting Course. Be sure to check out Karons latest e-report How To Increase Keyword Saturation (Without Destroying the Flow of Your Copy), too!

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Copywriting Information:

Related Articles

Want a Sticky Site That Sells? Forget Content!
An interesting debate is currently raging among copywriters, web designers and content developers about the differences, if any, between writing copy for the web versus writing content.According to prolific copywriter Nick Usborne of ClickZ.
Direct Mail Sales Letters Flow Better With Subheads
A subscriber to my newsletter asks: "Got any good pointers on writing great sub-heads?" Yes, I do. Here they are.
Why You Should Write To Inform And Not To Sell
Advertising is key! Unfortunately most people waste their money on advertising unless they can play by the numbers. Playing by the numbers is simply spending enough money on advertising and saturating the market so much, that percentage wise, enough people will want to see what you have to offer.
Can 97% of Netpreneurs be Wrong?
Why Some People's Ads Almost Always Make MoneyDiscover the Master Copywriter's Little-Known Secret of Locking in Profits!You don't know it yet, but in the next 5 minutes you are going to learntwo things that will enable you to command someone to do something anything - and that person will do it without question. What's more, they'llthink it was their idea, not yours.
Top 7 Things To Do Before You Hire A Copywriter
Now that you've decided to hire a copywriter, how do you go about finding one? Here are seven things to look for to make sure the match is a good one.#1 - Define your expectations.
Writing Great Website Sales Copy
Many small businesses fail because their owners don't pay enough attention to marketing and sales. Part of the effectiveness of a marketing effort is directly related to the sales copy you produce.
How to Write Profitable Ads
Regardless of how you look at it, the most important aspect ofany successful business is its advertising. In fact,the success of any business is largely dependent on good advertising.
Steps to a Writing an Effective Press Releases
Want to get the most media attention and spotlight for your business? Then the first place to start is with a GREAT press release. Now I can almost see half of you leaving now, dreading the thought of having to write one of these.
Stop Chasing Away Customers! Bad Copy is Your Worst Enemy
Every day, more and more of us begin new online businessventures, hoping to make a better living or just a little extraon the side. And every day, more and more of us fail.
What Is Persuasive Copywriting And How Can It Help Your Business?
Persuasive copywriting is what draws the attention of prospective customers. They see your product and are drawn it.
Your Article Headlines will Make or Break Your Business
Most people with an online presence will have to regularly deal with the issue of coming up with an appropriate headline. The problem is that most people do not take it seriously enough.
Sowing the Seeds of Opportunity: How to Multiply Your Freelance (Writing) Work
You can turn your $200 fee to write a press release into $2,000 to carry out an entire PR campaign simply by convincing clients to invest in campaigns, instead of individual assignments. Campaigns achieve better results and cost less in the long-term for clients, compared to individual assignments.
How to Negotiate Rates with a Freelance Copywriting Expert
Lots of people who seek out my copywriting services are concerned about money. Rightfully so.
Should You Use Testimonials When You Create A Web Site?
You've probably seen web sites with testimonials - they can add legitimacy. But sometimes they are believable, and sometimes they are not.
What A Ghostwriter Needs To Do To Earn Top Dollar
The huge demand for writers online is really for ghostwriters. A vast majority of the available online writing jobs for an online writer are for ghost writing projects.
5 Rules for Effective Written Sales Communications
Most salespeople have great ideas, but when it comes to putting those ideas on paper for their prospects, they ramble on for pages and quickly lose their readers' interest. Why do brilliant salespeople often have such a difficult time writing effective sales materials? Quite simply, these professionals haven't mastered the 5 rules of effective written business communications.
Engage Your Customer - Write About Benefits
Think quick. In 10 seconds, can you list the 5 key benefits you offer your customers?I bet you said "Yes".
How You Can Find Freelance Children's Writing Positions That Will Last
Freelance children's writing positions are always advertised. Rather, the schooling to learn how to write for these jobs is advertised.
Four Simple Steps to Improve Your Sales Copy
You know what it's like, you're reading the sales material about a product you're considering buying, but, as you read, all these questions seem to pop into your mind, but there's no-one there to answer them, so you shelve your plans to purchase.If it happens to you, you can guarantee it also happens to your customers when they read your sales copy.
Kick-Start Your Juices
Listen, consider this scenario.You have a deadline to honour.